The amazing pootastic adventure

As mentioned in jaimee's journal, we went to see the fireworks last night.

Let me first explain the "cleaning the system" process. Fabish clued me into this while we were still were roommates. Basically you just eat very little and drink a lot of that fiber Metamucil stuff. You poop a lot, and eventually your system is clear. I had been taking a lot of the fiber stuff with just disappointing results. Jaimee warned me that eventually all the fiber stuff would come back to haunt me, but I didn't believe her.

So, last night we were down by the river waiting for the fireworks to start. I had just finished my Strawberry banana smoothie when I started to feel a bit sick to my stomach. I stood up to help my circulation a bit. It was an improvement, but I still felt a bit sick. Suddenly I had the urge to poo. A big urge. I figured I could certainly make it home, so I didn't worry about it too much.

As the fireworks went on, I got those odd stomach cramp things that you get when you're about to get the runs. I grinned and beared it, still knowing I could definitely make it home. The fireworks ended and we started our walk to my car, about 4 or 5 blocks up the road.

As we walked, I felt the poo getting closer and closer to the point of no return. Unfortunately, there's not a lot of places to poo in downtown Peoria. The places where I could have pooed where closed. I told Jaimee that I would drive to the closest restaurant and poo there, since at this point I was pretty sure I couldn't make it home.

However, sitting down in the car was a big relief. I didn't dare buckle my seatbelt for fear that the extra pressure would squeeze out something I wanted to stay in. For a bit of added security, I also undid my pants. The traffic was stop and go, which made things much worse.

As we made our way back to my apartment, the stomach cramps got more and more frequent and the large poo got closer and closer to the back door. As we turned the final turn into my parking lot, I was pretty sure the head of the poo was sticking out. It took every piece of my will power to keep the poo in. I was having a hard time shifting gears and braking, since I was sure that any movement of the legs would squeeze out a small, or perhaps large, chunk of poop.

Jaimee hopped out of the car and ran to unlock my door. I got out of my Jeep. I was glad that Jaimee was already inside, because I was quite the sight to see. My pants were still undone, so I was holding them up while walking. The word "walking" is kind of a stretch, since I was afraid to move my legs above the knee. By the time I got to the security door, I had temporary relief from the pain and worry that came with almost shitting my pants. I was walking mostly normal again as I walked up the stairs and shuffled quickly into the bathroom.

I don't think I need to go into any more details, but I will say that I pooed very, very big. Huge. It was ridiculous. I spent the next hour or so making frequent trips to the bathroom which were mostly for large farts followed by a bit of liquid poo. I pooed another large poo before bed and woke up in the middle of the night for another relatively large poo. I was miserable at the time, but I'm feeling good now. I recommend cleaning the system, but perhaps an overdose of fiber supplement isn't the best way to get things done.