The big wedding

So, my best friend is married off. This weekend has been so much fun, I can't even take it.

Friday I went to my parent's house and dropped off the dog and ate some of their food. Then, it was off to Kankakee. I opted to drive the entire way on a 2 lane highway, which took a bit longer but was more scenic and less frustrating. So I get there and Larry, Amy's dad, hands me my tux and tells me to try it on. Instead, I went and visited the other groomsmen who were already there, and tried on my tux just a bit later.

After that, it was back up to KJs room where we enjoyed a couple of screwdrivers and Bud Lights. Various groomsmen wandered in and out over the next few hours, all getting nice and toasty for the rehearsal.

I drove to the rehearsal with T-Bagg as my navigator. We got completely lost and showed up just a tad late. We didn't miss much. Just a little bit of standing around that I could have done without, really. We stood around waiting for some girl named Erin, whose flight was delayed for some reason. I found out later that Erin was the girl who I would be escorting up and down the aisle during the wedding. Finally she walked in and took off her coat. All the groomsmen proceeded to walk up to me, pat me on the back, and tell me I "hit the jackpot". It's true. She was, by far, the hottest of the bridesmaids. I suppose it's a fitting match, since I was the hottest person in the building at the time.

We did the rehearsal thing, which mostly consisted of the groomsmen standing up on a balcony, by ourselves, making inappropriate comments considering we were in church. We didn't stand like I normally see, with guys on one side, girls on the other. We stood in couples. I was the 1st guy on the Amy's side.

While we were standing in the hall waiting for the 2nd rehearsal, everyone was chatting with their respective bridesmaids, introducing ourselves so it wouldn't be so awkward dancing and walking with them. At this point she told me that she's an actress and has been on a couple soap operas, with speaking lines, even, and now is in plays in New York City. I was sure to ask for her autograph so I'll have a cool "I knew her when..." story for when she's fially a big star. At this point Fabish walked up and whispered in my ear "I forgot to mention that she was HOT." How was I supposed to respond to that with her standing right there? I think I just sort of nodded and called him gay. It's all a blur.

After the rehearsal, we went to a pizza place for the dinner. There was a ton of people there. All the groomsmen sat at one smaller table, and the other 2 huge tables were filled with everyone else. The waitress came along and asked for our beer orders. Fabish said "Yeah, I think we'll need about 4 pitchers". The waitress kind of laughed and said "really?". Fabish replied "Why? How many are the other tables getting?" "Well, they're getting 2 pitchers each." Fabish looked around the table and did some quick math before replying, "Yeah, you better make it 4 pitchers."

We got our gifts. Mine was a bunch of gift certificates to places that Fabish knows I love. Hardware stores, Circuit City, and NCB (Now the Dynasty Buffet). All the presents called me gay in some way or another. The highlight was the one for the hardware store. In the "To:" field, he wrote in "Tim Wasson - homo home owner". He also included a card, which was very sweet and sentimental. If I hadn't been around a bunch of drunk guys while reading it, I may have teared up a bit.

We laughed and had a good time, and everyone left before us. The groomsmen just sat there until the pizza place closed, then it was back to the hotel, back to KJs room, for even more drinks. We were kicked out around 1:30, and me, Fabish, and T-Bagg went to my room, because we were the only ones not tired. We just bullshitted around for another hour or so, when T-Bagg left. Fabish and I stayed up until around 3AM, talking about the wedding and how nervous he was. I was trying my best to calm him down, mentioning over and over again that in 24 hours, it would all be over and he'd just be happy for the rest of his life. I'm not sure how much better that made him feel, but I did what I could for the poor kid. At this point, I could tell that he was getting really nervous.

Fabish stayed in my room that night. I had a hard time sleeping, but not as hard as he did. At around 7, with just over 4 hours of sleep under his belt, he got up and walked out of the room. I said "hey, where are you going?" I was planning on eating breakfast with him or something. He replied "I don't know. I can't sleep. I just have to get outta here." I figured he needed some alone time, so I slept for another hour or so before getting up for real.

Justin and I needed to get some minor adjustments made to our tuxes, so we left early the next morning to get to the tux place. A kid named David went with us. After the adjustments, we went and ate breakfast. David mentioned he was currently living in Chicago. This is the conversation that followed:

Tim- "Oh yeah? I used to live there. What part of town?"
David- "Lakeview"
"Yeah, I lived there for a year. Whereabouts in Lakeview?"
"The corner of Wellington and Broadway. Do you know where that is?"
"You have got to be kidding me. What's your address?"
"540 Wellington. Why?"
"That is the exact same building I lived in about 3 years ago."
"Bullshit!"

It took some convincing, but that is absolutely true. We even had some of the same neighbors! And landlord! It was crazy. I really want to get some sort of math major and tell me the chances of 2 people, strangers, meeting in a small town that neither of them is from, who lived in the SAME EXACT BUILDING in a city as huge as Chicago is. I figure there's better odds to winning the lottery. No, we didn't have the same apartment if that's what you're wondering, but still.

After that, we had many hours to just kind of sit around, which is exactly what we did. We rotated rooms occassionally and just watched TV. At one point Amy's dad brought us Subway. For the most part, we just kind of sat around looking at the clock. It wasn't the highlight of the weekend, but it was fun to talk to everyone. I really like all the guys in the wedding party and the parents and relatives of the bride and groom, so just chatting it up with everyone was fun.

Then, the big event. The guys were all put into a little kid's room with lots of toys, waiting for our cue. We played foosball and air hockey and cussed way too much, considering it was church. We took some pictures, and the photographer was a big dickfuck. He was an idiot. Just was just very short tempered and not friendly. He'd take a picture and say "No blink?" If we blinked, he retook it. After several times, Fabish just said "Why don't you just take 2 or 3 of each, just to make sure?" He didn't have a good answer.

Fabish and Amy were chauferred away in a 30's Rolls Royce, so at one point he wanted all the groomsmen to stand in front of it for pictures. None of us knew where it was, so we asked the photographer. He answered really short "It's right over here", to which Justin replied "Oh, is your personality over there too?" That made him in an even worse mood. When we thought he couldn't get less friendly, Fabish said, a bit too loud "Oh, by the way, it's a wedding, not a funeral". He got even meaner. While taking the car pictures, the photographer said "Okay, just one more..." As he brought the camera to his face, he totally dropped it. On the cement ground. In a puddle. It made a very expensive sounding "thud", which I don't think helped the situation much. We didn't make any more rude comments after that.

We men stood at the top of this huge staircase, waiting for the cue to head down. My mom wouldn't stop staring at us. It was really freaking me out. For like 5 or 6 minutes, just staring, from downstairs and in front of us. At one point I asked Callahan if there was some kind of universal sign language for "turn around and stop looking at me". He replied "The middle finger". I started laughing at the idea of flicking my mom off, in church, before my best friend's wedding. It kept sounding more and more like a good idea. Finally she stopped.

So, the actual wedding. We were all standing up there when the doors opened and Amy walked out. I looked at her, then over at Fabish. His eyes got huge, his face turned red, he started crying, and he looked like he was about to faint. You don't see the emotional side to that kid very often, and it was very sweet and very moving when to see him like that. All the bridesmaids instantly starting bawling their eyes out, along with most of the girls in the audience. I don't remember so much crying at any wedding I've ever been to.

The wedding went off without a hitch, with the exception of 2 small events. I was only included in one of them. So, at one point, Amy had to hand her flowers to the maid of honor. The maid of honor had to hand her flowers to Erin, who was the first girl in the line up. Great, except that Erin was already holding this weird boquet with a glass and a lit candle in it. So, Erin held it in front of me. I kind of freaked and didn't know what to do. She said "Here, take this from me". So I did. I wasn't warned! Why wasn't that mentioned in the rehearsal?! So here I stood with a girly boquet of flowers and all the groomsmen giving me weird looks and laughing. And there was a lit candle, which didn't help the heat situation much. I was so freaking hot up there in my 30 layers of clothes, and now I'm holding fire. If I hadn't shaved my goatee, I probably would have erupted in flames. That would have been funny, but maybe not appropriate.

As Amy turned to leave, the maid of honor stepped on her train accidently. Amy kept walking and almost fell over when she ran out of slack. She just laughed it off and kept walking.

The wedding party, once again, was stuck in a small room to wait for everyone to leave, so we could take even more pictures. The groomsmen were giving the newly married couple a hard time about "consumating the marriage", since it's well known that they haven't yet. Fabish grabbed Amy's arm and said "okay, give me about 20 seconds". Normally this wouldn't have been funny except that Amy and Fabish's moms were standing about 2 feet behind them. When they realized it, their faces turned bright red. Neither seemed to mind too much, I guess.

More pictures. More of the photographer being an asshole. At one point he raised his voice to Amy saying something to the effect of "Look, we need to get this taken care of. Can you get things under control so we can get to the rehearsal?" Fabish didn't like that. Understandably so. It's their wedding, and the photographer is yelling at the bride? What the hell? He said something to the effect of "We're paying you. Be friendly. Be nice. Be tolerant. Calm down".

We almost ran out of gas on the way back to the hotel, where the reception was. Since we didn't run out, it's not a good story. I'll skip it.

The reception was awesome. The food was excellent. The waitresses were nice. The beer was plentiful and free. Finally it was time to mingle. I kept looking into the audience at the wedding and the dinner, but I was never allowed to go mingle. We were always very separate. So finally it was time to go chat it up. I visited my family first, who, of course, gave me shit for holding the candle and stuff during the ceremony. And, of course, messing up the seating order when we were announced as the wedding party.

As I was talking to my parents, a lady comes up and says "Hi Tim". I reply "Oh, hi, how are you?" She replies "You don't know who I am, do you?" I replied "Yeah, you're Scott Olsson's mom, I just can't figure out why you're here."

Scott Olsson is a friend of mine from high school. He never hung out with Fabish, with the exception of maybe once or twice. Anyway, it turns out that she was there on a date with Fabish's Uncle, who isn't really even his uncle. So that was weird coincidence #2 of the evening.

Not a whole lot to note during the reception. Nothing was really annouced very well. The wedding party dance was annouced so poorly that only about half of us heard it. There was 2 girls for every guy on the floor, so the guys that showed up got to dance with 2 girls and look all studly. Yeah, I was one of them. Go me.

Anyway, the reception was fun, and all my old teachers came up to say hi. Fabish's mom works where I went to gradeschool, so my 3rd, 5th, and 7th grade teachers were all there. I had several 5th and 7th grade teachers, so about 7 or 8 were there in total, I think. It will never cease to amaze me how teachers remember each and every kid even years and years later. Lots of fun was had by all.

Finally around midnight, the lights turned back on and the DJ left. Those of us who remained were still talking, and Fabish and Amy were still wandering around mingling. At one point, Fabish's dad yelled "Mark, what are you doing? Go get some!" It's bizarre hearing Mr. Fabish say things like that, but over the course of the wedding, bachelor party, shower, and everything in between, I've heard things from lots of old people I never thought I'd hear. It's odd to see friends parents act less like parents and more like people.

Fabish went up to get some, and Alan, Angie and I went back to my room for a few more drinks. Aaron and Corey Davis, Kevin, and Chris all came along too. They all left kind of early, and Angie, Alan, and I got a little too bored and a little too drunk. We started jumping on the beds and making asses out of ourselves, but it was all in good fun.

I've been sleeping weird lately. You know that time between sleep and awake, where sometimes you get leg spasms and such? I've been doing weird things during that time especially, including kicking violently or singing. I always wake myself up in the middle of these and keep doing them for 2 or 3 seconds, and really freaking myself out. I warned Fabish, Alan, and Angie about this, since I slept with all of them during the course of the weekend. Apparently I slept pretty soundly, except at 1 point I yelled "Get her out of here!" for no apparent reason. And once, I laid on my back and lifted my leg straight up in the air and kept it there for 20 minutes, according to Angie. I'm really impressed with myself. It takes some strength to do a leg lift for that long.

We left this morning after grabbing some quick breakfast. And that was the weekend. And now my best friend is married. And now it's time for a nap, because I haven't really slept a lot in the past couple days.