I know I've owned you for 4 long years now, and we've had good times together. I also realize you're getting a bit old, approaching the decade mark a bit quicker than either of us would like to see. I also realize you've been a wonderful, dependable car with very little maintanence required to keep you on the road. I know it may hurt your feelings that I'm drooling over other vehicles as you sit in my driveway, but please stop taking it out on me. It's nothing personal.
Between the 4 new tires I bought for you, the balance and rotation of those tires, the alignment, and the ball joints that are growing increasingly worse, I dropped a significant amount of change on you last week. And what thank you do I get? I get you, unable to start, unable to get me to work, just sitting there on your new tires completely useless. Tonight after someone (I don't yet know who) picks me up from work, I'll need to spend more money on a new battery and spend a cold, rainy night fixing you because of your recent hissy fits against me.
I've had enough of this, Jeep. It's time to shape up and thank me for spending so much money on you lately, and only rarely bitching about your poor gas mileage in times when gas costs me $2/gallon.
Your Good Owner