If I got

If I got in a fight with PHP I would kick its ass. In a matter of a mere hour or 2, I managed to get the comment script/database I wrote for my moblog working on my photo gallery on tim.cx. Hold your praise... I realize I'm a genius and all, but there's still a lot of work to do to make myself the world's greatest personal site.

So, my Building Steam class was yesterday, and I rocked at that too. My Biggest Loser weigh in was today, and I rocked at that, too. I'll tell you what... when it comes to me, I totally rule at life.

The one dark spot in my life is how much dieting sucks. I know how awful it is to talk to someone who is losing weight, and all they can talk about is losing weight. It's annoying. So this will be my only post dedicated to it, I promise. This post is dedicated to my weight as of this morning: 199. That's right, I'm down 30 pounds and back into the 100's, although just barely. I'm just 15 pounds away from where I want to be. 3 weeks left in this contest, and I'm pretty positive I won't lose all 15 by the end. But I'll be close.

But dieting this hardcore for the chance to win some money is friggin' killing me. I lost a ton of weight before and although it took longer, I felt a lot less deprived. I'm constantly turning down invitations for dinner and drinks and everything else, knowing my team depends on my loss every week. People have stopped even inviting me anymore, which I actually prefer until I realize that I'm not being invited places anymore. Being lighter is good and all, but I feel like being in a caloric deficit for days and weeks in a row isn't how the human body is supposed to function.

Still, the shrinking process is a friggin' blast. I love feeling my pants get loser and moving a notch in my belt. When I was at my thinnest a couple years back, I bought a few pairs of boxers that I slowly grew out of, only wearing when I was out of everything else. These boxers felt like tighty-whities. Well, 30 pounds later, they feel like boxers again.

I'm not entirely sure why I gained back 45 pounds of what I had lost. I noticed it was happening I guess, but I just like beer, barbeques, and hot wings too much or something. I'm going to try harder at maintaining this time, and for this I need the help of everyone reading this who I know in real life.

Everyone reading this should know how thick my skin is. Its hard to insult me. So if you see me and I look like I've put on a few pounds, be completely relentless and cruel and poke me in my belly until I lose it. I know that may sound like a joke, but its not. Make fun, grab my love handles, and shake my fat until I look ashamed and disappointed in myself. I can lose 5 and 10 pounds again, but I never ever ever want to put myself in a position where I need to lose 40 or 50 again. It's too hard. It's too much. I'm just not sure if I have the discipline to stay skinny without some negative reinforcement.

Its not fair that some people are naturally so skinny and some people, like me, have to watch what they eat every day and exercise constantly just to stay not-fat. But, I also realize I can fight it and maintain a healthier lifestyle... it'll just be harder for me than some people. Still, its worth it. Life is better 30 pounds lighter, and hopefully it will be even better in another 15.