Nintendo computer part II is finished up now. It's totally sweet as anything in the world. Or maybe even sweeter. It's just cool. Pictures coming soon, hopefully.
So, I applied for another job, this time making cartoons for the web. The guy in charge emailed me back and told me that they're porno cartoons. I couldn't believe the weirdness of that. The jobs I really want always end up being porno. He linked me to a couple of cartoons that were examples of what they did, and they seemed more like NC-17 than anything else. I wouldn't necessarily be embarrased to show people these or tell them what I was doing, and it would be fun. He's looked at me work and we've scheduled a phone call to discuss animation and what I can do. So, that's encouraging, but it's still weird that it's porn.
I'm just getting back into a slump where I'm pissed off at my life. I feel like I've wasted so many years doing nothing. I hate the fact that I was always the one with heaps of potential when I was a kid. Everyone was convinced I was going to be a famous artist and be successful at a young age. Now I'm 23 and working as a God damn framer. Why did I even bother going to college? I certainly don't use anything I learned in college on a daily basis anymore. At the very least, these adult-themed cartoons would be using my college education for something.
I loved calling myself an animator/illustrator. I loved it. I loved telling people I was self employed. Hell, I even loved telling people what I did at Iona. It made me feel like something. I'm so ashamed to tell people I'm a framer. Especially people who knew me 2 years ago when I was way more "successful" than I am now. I'm just drifting. I'm looking for what I want to do with the rest of my life, but sometimes it just feels so random and pointless.
And it's discouraging failing at so many things. custom-art.com was a ridiculous failure. The freelancing thing started off great and went downhill really quick. I never got any replies from the dozens of art submissions I sent out during the summer. Sure, everything in the industry is slow right now (except for porno, apparently), but it hardly seems like an excuse.
It just seems that at this point in my life, I need to be trying to figure out what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. And I have no idea. And that's disappointing. I want to draw. I want to make cartoons. I want to paint. I want to create. Build. And not have 30 God damn managers and project leaders and directors and salesmen breathing down my neck all the time. But how do I make money at doing what I love? I'll tell ya when I figure it out, I guess.