Okay kids, so this whole Jaimee thing is really messing with my brain in really bizarre ways, like what I had to deal with in high school. I had trouble sleeping last night because I was having dreams about them. I'm terrible at breaking up.
I guess the parts that bother me are 1. The guy she chose, and 2. what that says about her as a person, and 3. my friends' reaction to it.
- The guy she chose: an LJer by the name of Tacoman. He's a pretentious writer type who always read stuff Jaimee wrote and sent his reactions to it. They started trading stories via email, chatting on AIM, and commenting furiously in each other's LJs while she was still living with me. It didn't really bother me that she had a fake internet boyfriend until he started mailing her handwritten notes, CDs, and books. To my house. I was insecure about it because, by this point, our relationship had started on it's downhill jaunt.
I'm taking personal offense to the guy selection. I take it almost as a slap in the face. I don't think I'm overreacting when I say that.
- What that says about her as a person: Not good stuff. I mean, 3 weeks ago a got a present with a handwritten note from her, saying how we were perfect for each other, but lives and obligations and outside influences ruined it. But it was apparently all a lie, since if that was true for her, she would do what I'm doing and stay single for a while to let scars heal, let distance work it's magic until you're ready for another relationship. If I meant as much to her as she said I did... well, then she's ruining it and shitting on it by doing it this early and with that guy in particular.
When I told Fabish about this new boyfriend and their history, he looked at me with scrunched up eyebrows and said "I'm glad you got away from her."
- My friend's reactions to it: have all been similar to Fabish's when I intro it with the background of her and her new guy. I know I haven't personally discussed the situation with anyone reading this, but the friends who I've discussed this with all follow up with some comments on why they never really liked or trusted her in the first place. Even my dad made some comments about how I'm better off when I dropped the news that we were splitting. Fabish was actually the most kind about it. When Angie asked how he felt about Jaimee, his response was "I could take her or leave her." Most others have been more negative than positive.
I don't think I'm asking for Jaimee bashing. In fact, I know I'm not, since hearing the bashing kind of hurts my feelings. I'd rather they say something like "that doesn't seem like her to do" or something.
Anyway, so those are my thoughts at the moment. I said before that eventually the negative feelings would fade and I'd be happy for her. Well, I'm already happy for her if she's doing what she wants to do, but the negative feelings have a while before I'm ready to come to terms with them. And, in light of these events and what my friends are coming out the closet to say, its likely that I'll never be truly okay with her again. I'd hoped that Jaimee would be the ex who I could talk to about girl trouble and whatever else, years after the fact. But she won't be. That's disappointing.