So I went

So I went and saw Aliens VS Predator last night with John, and I'll cut my review because there will be a lot of spoilers, even though I know anyone interested in seeing the movie has already seen it.

If this movie doesn't sweep the Oscars Titantic style, then I will know there is no justice in this world. I have never seen such a perfect piece of wonderfulness in my life (except for the Evil Dead movies).

Within 17 seconds, I knew they made this movie especially for me. It started on my 25th birthday. No shit. So then there's this hot girl all climbing rocks and stuff, and I was already thinking that she was going to live all the way through, since she was hot and climbing rocks. And she did. And she was awesome and hot.

So then there was a lot of plot building and other crap no one really cares about, but then the Predators arrived, looking sweet, mostly original, and ready to kill people. And kill people they did. I loved how the kept the old school 90%-invisible-10%-weirdwarpness thing with the Predator.

So then for a while there's no Aliens. Just the Predators killing people, which was sweet because Predators have half as many movies as Aliens, so they deserved a bit of extra screen time, if you ask me. Finally face huggers are everywhere, hugging everyone's faces and Aliens are bursting out of chests left and right, and finally a Predator catches on fire but it doesn't slow him down. Then they start fighting and there's acid blood and neon blood everywhere, and a flashback with a million Aliens and Predators as Gods and everything is perfect and sweet.

And so I'm sitting there thinking that this movie can't possibly get any cooler, and then, THEN, the Predator rips apart an Alien and makes a shield out of the head and a spear out of the tail and this hot girl is running around wearing parts of an Alien while kicking ass with a Predator, and now I'm certain that this movie can't get sweeter.

But then the mother Alien breaks loose and decides that her babies have done enough ass kicking and it's time for her to do some. So she's all running around and trying to kill the hot girl and the Predator, but instead of dying, she straps the mother to some big iron thing I don't even care what it was and sends him to the bottom of the ocean. Oh yeah, and the mother killed Predator, but by this point you don't care because the movie has been so sweet that the cool guy can die if he wants.

And then, Predator 2 style, the ship and about a billion Predators all appear out of nowhere and, Predator 2 style, they let the person live. And then an Alien bursts out of the dead Predator's body and it fades to black.

Sure, continuity errors abound and the incubation period of the Aliens was different than the original, but I think overall they did a good job of paying homage to the other series without making up crap and making it stupid. It was marvelous. MARVELOUS!