So, an interesting development. To me, anyway.
I, like most people on LJ, took that silly okcupid.com test a long time ago. A few weeks ago, I got an email from them that their whole service had opened up. Being newly single, I thought I'd fill out my profile and see if anyone interesting was on there. I still haven't uploaded a photo or even filled out my profile in its entirity, but I thought it was interesting that Jaimee was on my list of matches.
I looked at her profile and was shocked by how thorough it is. Complete with 2 uploaded photos, one of which I took.
I guess I'm okay with it, but a little annoyed. One of the reasons we split was because she didn't want to be in a relationship, and here she is less than a week later filling out forms on dating sites and obviously using them to meet people?
She had a comment from one of the guys she met. That guy was a douce bag, and 32 years old, with a profile that annoyed the shit out of my just reading it, much less looking at his pictures.
So that made me feel a bit better, that she's wasting her time with 32 year olds who don't have anything interesting to say but think they do, but then I realized that she left me for that life?
I mean, more than anything, I feel sorry for her. I look at my life, and I think everything is perfect. She complains about missing "something", but doesn't even know what that is. I'm not missing anything. I wake up in the morning in a nice house with a good dog, and I get ready to go to a good job where I get paid a decent wage to do a job I like. I get home and I have a bunch of friends who I can call to meet for dinner. I meet the friends, and we can have conversations about things that happened to us in the past few days, or we can remember parties we both attended from years back.
Then I can go jogging and see Fabish working in his front yard. I run into my sister sometimes in random locations. I look at all this stuff in my life, and I'm overwhelmingly happy about it all. And I look at Jaimee, who I invited with open arms into my amazingly simple but amazingly happy life, and she shrugged it off, preferring to live with her sister in Aurora (and by the way, it pisses me off when she says she lives in Chicago, since she's like 45 minutes away in a town smaller than Peoria), knowing no one but hanging out with strangers from the internet having awkard conversations about, I'm assuming, nothing of any importance. And she's living this life and thinking its better now?
Maybe I haven't lived enough, or maybe I'm not cultured enough, to understand this mindset. I just can't convince myself that different and new is somehow better. I don't know why I'd ever want to convince myself of that.
When Jaimee left, a chunk of my life left as well. But I also had a pretty easy time filling that hole, and I filled it with friends and family and everyone around who cared about me. I look at Jaimee and can't imagine her life as anything but 1 big hole at this point. It's sad.
Or maybe I'm just convincing myself of that, because in a way I'd rather feel sorry for her than be bitter about her going on dates so soon in the game.