Well, last night I was updated on Jaimee's latest. She's moving back to Albuwhateverkey with her parents. I kind of laughed when I heard the news, then moved quickly into pity.
It's odd though. In a matter of months, she's gone from the person I loved more than anything to a person I barely know and don't understand at all. Last May, I would have done anything for her. I supported her with my crappy cellphone salesman job, I let her make decisions about the house I bought, I paid for more than half of her car, I gave her a place to live and instant friends and a family that accepted her without question. Now I haven't talked to her for a few months (which was my doing, admittadly), and she's going to move in and mooch off someone new.
One of the things that originally attracted me to her was her independence. She wasn't a clingly, needy dependent type. She was living on her own and working, and had her own life and her own stuff she was doing. If I would have known ahead of time how dependent on me she would have become, I would have gotten out long before I did. It just happened slowly and when I found myself in the situation where I was supporting her, it was too late. I just made excuses for her behavior and defended her to others.
I got really tired of defending her. I'm still tired from it. Thankfully, I don't have to anymore. She's enough of a stranger and my feelings have died enough that I can laugh when someone says something mean (but funny) about her. And I can laugh when my friends joke about how I was out of her league and she was lucky to have me and silly to give me up. But mostly I'm laughing because I know its true.
She didn't get the job she wanted, which was sad for me. Honestly, I just want her to be happy. I'm not saying that in the cheesy ex-boyfriend-wants-to-be-a-bigger-person way. I honestly mean it. She was a person who meant the world to me for a long time, and the fact that we're not an item anymore doesn't mean I want her alone and miserable. I want her life to be fulfilling, but I want it to be fulfilling far away from me. I wish she got the job at the FBI, and if her new ugly boyfriend with weird teeth who is fat and short makes her happy, more power to her. Just be with him in such a way that I don't have to see it.
I hope she's not regretting anything that happened, because I'm certainly not. I think everything happened just as it was supposed to. But now she's going to be moving to a new place, mooching off new people, getting a new shitty job she'll probably hate and consider it better for a couple of months until the discontent sets in again and she'll repeat the process. Who knows how long that will last. I'm glad I got away from that situation when I did, and I hope somehow, someday, she's happy in her life.