I'm really not. I swear. Here's why.
First, I know I'm not very experienced in the relationship field. However, I don't believe this is because other girls have ruined me. I feel like it's my decision, and one that I thought about and decided on. I didn't want to be a playa or playboy or any of that. I feel like if I did that, I'd be cheating myself. I'd be more experienced, but a lot less true to myself. Which one is worse?
Second, I've passed up many opportunities to date girls, amung other things. Here's a few short stories for your reading pleasure.
Story one. A party at a friend's place. It got really big and nuts and one girl who I only knew in passing said she felt sick. Me, knowing exactly how to deal with it, was my usually clever charming self while inviting her to walk around the block with me. The cool air and exercise would do her good, plus vomiting outside is a lot less embarrassing than vomiting on a couch or something. So, as we were walking she asked me "When do you plan on kissing me?", to which I replied that I didn't ever plan on kissing her. Later that night her better friends told me I "could have gotten laid if I played my cards right". Mmmm hmmm....
Story two. This one is short. I was really drunk, too drunk to remember the whole thing. Another party, same apartment. Once I had sobered up a bit, a friend came up to me, saying "Dude, that girl told me she'd sleep with you tonight" then he pointed to some girl. I was like "um... I've never seen or talked to her before in my life", and he said "dude, she was just over here. She was hanging all over you, grabbing your butt and stuff. You talked for like 20 minutes and kept pushing her away when she tried to kiss you". Well, I didn't remember any of that... still don't, but I'll take his word for it.
Story three. Different apartment, different party. A girl I knew, in passing again, came. She brought one of her friends. I said hi and hugged the one I knew, but was only going to shake the hand of the one I didn't know. Instead she leapt forward and shoved her tongue down my throat. It took me a little longer to push her away, but I finally did it. She did it a few more times through the course of the night.
So, as you can see (hopefully) this inexperience is kind of self-inflicted, but that's how things should be for me, I think. I could have slept with different girls on more than one occasion, and this is without even trying. Think if I was putting any effort into this....
Plus I have an awesome car that goes fast. I have a good job, making quite a bit compared to the average 21 year old. I have my own place, a big screen TV, a whole bunch of speakers, a DVD player, a kick ass remote control, man, I'm quite a catch.
I do wish I could be more of a guy though. I just don't have it in me. In fact, if a girl wanted to date me and cited any of the above reasons, I probably wouldn't date her. That would make her shallow.
So, should I throw away everything I've ever believed and just date for the sake of having a date? Sometimes I think I should. I mean, this "waiting for the right girl" isn't working, and that's making me bitter. I don't hate girls yet, but I'm coming close. I just don't want to be "alone" anymore. I put the quotes there, because I don't consider myself alone and certainly not lonely. It's just a better word than single. Single is a good word, and I don't consider what I am right now good anymore. Does that make sense?
But I'm not pathetic. I'm not.