Wow. I just looked at all 3 of my LJ pictures at the same time, right here, and man, it's weird. In 2, I look pretty much identical except for a hat. And in the 3rd, I look like a crap bucket. A crappy beard, a crappy Goodwill shirt, stupid emo glasses. I thought as you get older, you're supposed to get more conservative and clean shaven. Is this a quarter life crisis that makes me think it's okay to wear wrinkled crap shirts everywhere when in high school I wouldn't have left my house without a pretty sweater or freshly ironed button up shirt? And, more importantly, which is the "real" me, and is the "real" me really effected either way by what I choose to cover my beer gut with?
I think I can trace the decline back to when I left Iona. That's when it started. I didn't have to get dressed up for work anymore, and it's been a steady decline since. And that leads me to believe that the Tim who stands before you is more "real" than the other ones. I never really do anything for image or to impress anyone anymore. I just sort of am, take it or leave it. I've been lucky in my life that most of the people who I want to "take it" actually do, and the ones I want to "leave it" also do that eventually.
Most people say the same thing about me, which I think is exactly, 100% true. I can be abrasive and rude, but underneath it, I'm a really nice guy with only the best intentions, willing to do anything for friends. I couldn't have said it better myself. But what I need to do is get people to leave out the "abrasive and rude" comment before the amazing compliment.
It's been a weird couple of weeks in which I've had to do a lot of self reflection and other annoying things that make my brain hurt. A lot of decisions just waiting to be made, a lot of discussions just waiting to be had. I hate drama, I hate having things left unsaid, I hate anyone thinking I'm the bad guy, I hate not knowing where I stand with anyone, and most of all, I hate Alan's shitfuck dog.