Tim Wasson - web nerd guy.

Blog

New Years Resolution

I almost forgot to post this. This will be the way I keep on track, hopefully.

My New Years Resolution this year will be to make more memories. The life I'm living now is short lived, I'm starting to realize. When I'm settling down, starting a family, saving for retirement... whatever... I want to look back on these times as my best times. Little responsibilities... lots of friends, a great combination. I want to look back with no regrets. This is impossible, I know, but I would rather regret things I did than things I didn't do. So, this New Year I will not turn down invitations for things I have even a slight inclination to do. I'll be young and irresponsible for another year, enjoying every second and making sure to remember the good parts and forget the bad.

I figure this is my last entire year to act like that. I'm closing in on age 22 now. By 23, I want to be settling down. All my friends will be in their respective careers, and it will be time for me to not stay out late every night, not go to parties every weekend, and not make out with any girl who will make out with me. By 23, I want to be looking for a wife, saving for a house, and driving a brand new SS Camaro. By 23, the life I'm living now will be memories, so I want as many memories as I can before then.

My New Years resolutions from here on out will get me to the point in my life where I want to be.

This year, I would also like to have a girlfriend and lose a few pounds. That's it.

Everyone else reading this should post their resolutions in their journals, and while you're at it, let me know what they are too. Deal? Deal.

I've now lost count.

I love New Years like you wouldn't believe. I'll get to that part in a second, but first, the rest of my weekend.

Friday I got off work a little early on account of the weather. Instead of going straight home, I went to the DMV to finally get my license renewed. Now they won't look so closely at the birthday when they card me. Hopefully. After many, many failed attempts at finding someone to eat dinner with, I finally joined the ranks who would be going to dinner at around 10, after they went to see a movie. So, me, Steph, Angie, Tim C., and Brice all went to Castaway, which didn't suck, then out to eat.

Saturday I cleaned for the majority of the day. I had just learned that I was having a New Years party, so I wanted to make it pretty. Saturday night me, Mullens, Anna, Dave, and TJ went bowling. We tried to avoid TJ and Dave because they're pretty loud and obnoxious. We didn't succeed in that, though, so we only bowled one game before our tolerance ran out. By this point in the night we had met up with Steph and Molly, so I had people to distract me from TJ and Dave. After bowling we all (minus TJ and Dave) went back to my place and watched The Patriot until we all fell asleep. I kicked them out, then went to bed.

Sunday was the shit.

I had a little more cleaning to do, then me, Mullens, and Angie all ran the errands associated with throwing a party. We had to buy the alcohol and all the food. We went all out, buying huge bags of pizza rolls, frozen pizzas, bread sticks, chips, dips, you name it, we had it. Finding a keg was extremely difficult, but we managed to get that done too.

Me, Mullens, Angie and Anna made a very nice dinner. We had steak, chicken, corn, etc. etc. After that, the drinking began. People slowly started trickling in, and at the most we had maybe 15 or 20 people there, more than half of them I didn't know.

The night was relatively uneventful, until everyone started getting very affectionate near midnight. There was one girl there, Becky, who I had known since 2nd grade. She's a very pretty girl, but always talks about her breasts being too small. I always come back, saying they're fine. Well, we got into our little breast conversation when she confesses that the bra she was wearing was padded. Then she grabbed my hand and put it right on her boob and told me to feel it. I was petrified. I had no idea what to do, so I sat there like an idiot until she let me take my hand away. I mean, I had known her since grade school. Now my hand was on her boob. It was weird and awkward.

Anyhoo, at midnight everyone kissed each other. EVERYONE. That's what I meant by the subject. Before this point, I had kissed 5 girls and that was that. New Years Eve it at least doubled, I'm sure. I can't remember who I did and didn't kiss. I'm pretty sure I kissed all the girls that were there, with the exception of the girls that came with their boyfriends.

A little later in the night yet another girl jammed her tongue down my throat. That was really cool though. She was really cute, and I was kind of hitting on her, although not doing a very good job. Later in the night TJ and Dave were hitting on her and I guess she liked them more. Ah well, no big deal.

Pretty much everyone at the party slept at my apartment and the next morning they finished up the leftover pizza, watched a movie or 2, then left. I just sat around all day in my messed up apartment because I was too tired to clean or go out.

Yeah, so, that was my weekend. I'm going to raise that kiss tally to 13 girls, conservatively. Or maybe I should just go with 6 and ignore the pecks between friends. Or maybe I just shouldn't worry about it.

I almost died in a blizzard.

Well, not really. But it's snowing hard out there. I hate driving in the snow.

Last night I was supposed to go visit my Grandma, but the rest of my family left at 4 when I was still at work, to avoid the snow coming our way. By the time I got off there was a fresh layer of snow on the ground, not plowed at all. After the 15 miles back to my apartment, I decided I didn't want to drive the remaining 70 miles to my Grandma's house. I feel bad not seeing her on Christmas, but I hate driving in this weather and the only other people who could have driven me left before I was even off work.

Instead I went to see Brice's new apartment, met his roommate, then went bowling with Mullens, Steph, and Angie. I told my parents to let me know the next time they visit my Grandma, and I'll do anything I can to go with. I feel bad for missing it this time, but with my tendency to fall off the road in the winter I didn't want to risk it. I know my Grandma doesn't have a lot of time left, and I'd like to see her soon.

When I was 12, I skipped my other Grandma's birthday party to go to a school dance. She died a few weeks later, and I don't really remember the last time I spent any time with her. It was very unexpected. She wasn't in perfect health or anything, but no one expected her to die so soon. Still, I felt bad, and feel bad, that I missed that.

But on the other hand, if I had gone to my Grandma's birthday party I may have felt bad about missing the dance. You just never know.

This entry is on time. Sort of.

Well, a little late, but that's all right.

Last night was NOT buffalo wing night. I'm still pissed off about it. It's a tender subject.

While I was at work I got an email from my dad telling me my aunt and uncle were going to be in town. They're from Kansas and I see them once... maybe twice a year, so I felt obligated to go back to my parent's and eat dinner there. Afterwards, I went back to my place and cleaned a little, then watched Chicken Run. A few friends wanted to come over, but this was the closest thing I've had to a night off in a long time, so I told them to stay where they were.

Tonight I'm going to see my grandma. She's not in the best of health, and I don't see her often. They're worried she may not last too much longer, so I really have to see her. I also really want a night off. A night I can just go home and go to sleep. I guess Christmas is not a good time to want that.

So I was

So, I was really happy to get home last night. I was going to kick off my shoes, watch Fight Club, then go to sleep by 10. That was the plan, and the night I had been looking forward to for a long time, since I so rarely get enough sleep.

I got home and had 3 messages on my machine. One was from my sister, asking me to eat dinner at her house. I had just seen her on Christmas, so I felt no obligation to go over there again. I was going to call her, tell her how stupidly tired I was, and maybe get a pizza delivered or something. The others were both from Brice, my obsessive friend.

I called back Brice first, and was going to tell him I didn't want to go to dinner or drive him to work, because tonight was my 'alone-time'. He asked me what I was doing for dinner and as I prepared my answer he said '...because I think we should go eat at your sister's." This really confused me. Apparently he had talked to my cousin, who was also invited to my sister's, and she said she was going. So, Brice asked me if I would go and take him so he could talk to her. I really didn't want to go. I wanted to watch Fight Club.

This next part of the conversation pissed me off even more. Here it is, almost verbatim.

Tim "All right, fine, I'll go to dinner tonight but I'm NOT taking you to work."
Brice "Who's going to take me to work then?"
Tim "I don't know"
Brice "Oh."
Tim "All right, well, I'll pick you up in like 25 minutes then"
Brice"Wait, you're picking me up in 25 minutes?"
Tim "yeah....."
Brice "Is that when you're picking me up or you're ready to go?"
Tim "Well, I just said I was picking you up in 25 minutes"
Brice "Oh, well, I was wondering if you wanted to leave early and look at my new place."
Tim "No."
Brice"ha ha ha."
Tim "...."
Brice "Really?"
Tim "Nope. See ya in 25 minutes"
Brice "Dude, why are you so...."
Tim "Yeah, whatever, see ya in 25 minutes."

My god, he's just so "gimme gimme". Earlier in the day I had to borrow $4 from him to pay for lunch and he gave me a hard time about it, meanwhile I've been hauling his dumb ass everywhere every day. Stuff like this makes me mad. I was obviously doing him a favor by going and he just kept asking for more. Eventually I drew the line and he got pissed.

He was behaving himself nicely most of the night. He avoided talking about my cousin, which was good because he knows I hate that. The only other thing that pissed me off is when I asked him if he was ready to go, and he wanted to stay longer to talk to my cousin. He knew I wanted to get home and watch Fight Club and still he chose to talk to my cousin rather than half way accommodate the guy who went out of his way for him tonight. Or something. Whatever.

Anyway, I finally got home at about 8:30, and called Angie to bitch about Brice a little bit. Then I started Fight Club. The movie is really long, but I planned on watching the whole thing in one sitting. But, by 10:15 I was falling asleep so I was forced to turn it off and go to bed.

I slept like a baby. I didn't wake up at all in the course of the night, which never happens. I woke up more awake than I have in a long, long time. There's something to be said for this sleeping thing.

That was a

That was a great Christmas. I hope everyone else can say the same.

I got great presents this year, and what else is Christmas about, really? So, the weekend, from the top.

Friday, we did some Christmas shopping then we were going to go to a late movie. By the time we got to the theater, we were all tired and the movies didn't start for another half hour, so we left. We went back to my place, drank some beer, joked around, argued about abortion and morals, then Steph stole my pillow so I kicked her ass.

Saturday me and Steph were going to finish up our Christmas shopping. Unfortunately I suck at shopping and we didn't finish. I don't remember doing anything on Saturday night, so if I did, it must not have been to exciting.

Sunday I did finally finish up my shopping. The stores were remarkably uncrowded for Christmas Eve, which was nice because I hate customers. Every customer around this time is so pushy, and none of them walks correctly. They have no direction and walk very slowly. Walking slowly is fine, as long as you're not weaving all over the place, blocking the fast walkers. Ah, but I digress. I went to church on Christmas Eve, which we do every year.

Monday was Christmas of course. I went back to my parent's house to open presents and eat breakfast casserole and this weird juice stuff my mom makes every year. I gave my sister a huge Renoir print and a couple of CDs, my dad a drill, my mom a framed picture I had drawn that was one of her favorites. I got a lot of really cool stuff, my favorites being an old school Optimus Prime straight from 1984, still transformable with all his accessories. It's awesome. My other favorite was a membership to the Peoria Art Guild, which means I get free visits to the museum and discounts on the classes.

I'm going to have to take some classes. I've been feeling very artistically frustrated lately. People have to express themselves however they know how. I've been trying to write lately, and I'm just not good at it. I need to draw and paint, but don't have a lot of time or motivation to get it done. These classes will do me some good, I think. I'm going to stop by the art store tonight and get some paints and a new canvas. I don't have an idea for a new painting, but I really feel like I have to paint.

Anyhoo, that was a big weird sidetrack.

As is tradition now, I had people over to drink some beer and celebrate Christmas. Steph, Mullens, Angie and Anna all came over, we drank some beer and messed around and had a really good time. I'm not tired for some odd reason, but I have no idea why not. I really should be.

I went to sleep at around 1, but woke up at about 5 am to go to the bathroom. I went back to bed, eager to just fall asleep again, but couldn't. I laid there for more than an hour, trying my best not to think of anything or move around, because those were the 2 things I was sure would keep me awake. Well, I finally fell back asleep at about 6:45 then my alarm went off at 7. It wasn't a good sleep for me.

Tonight I'm going to watch Fight Club by myself, then fall asleep early. Some people will doubt that I'll be able to do this, but I'll show you. I'll show you all.

There's no one

There's no one in the office today. Everyone took the day off. I can't because I wasted my days off for when I had hangovers.

They may let us go at noon today, not that I'll get to leave. I have to stick around for a meeting this afternoon. That one meeting will be the only thing I do all week, and it's the one thing keeping me here into my Christmas break.

Stupid job.

I have no

I have no self control. Ever.

Okay, so I was at work yesterday and got an email from a friend, asking if the party for last night was still on. I had to think about it for a couple of minutes, but then I remembered. On my party on Saturday, this guy was asking me if I wanted to have a party there, where we'd just drink a couple of beers, then hit the bars in celebration of his 21st. I said sure, no problem, c'mon over. Well, I had completely forgotten that I had promised him that, and the email made me feel bad. I replied saying sure, c'mon over, but on account of me forgetting all week, don't expect a big group of people here or anything.

Well, he, his brother, and 2 friends of mine from high school ended up showing up. It was lame. We just watched a movie and drank some beer. At midnight he turned 21, so he wanted to be in a bar by then. I wanted to go, but I haven't gotten a good night's sleep in more than a week. When they left, I had to back out. I felt so bad. But, at least that was practicing some self control. I'll have to make it up to him somehow. Poor guy. My 21st sucked too, since no one was 21 yet. He at least had me, and I was too tired to go to the bars. Stupid me. Stupid bars. Stupid job that makes me wake up early. Stupid everything.

I also slept like shit last night. It was horrible. I like my room to be freezing cold, so I can put on like 8 blankets, but now my apartment is boiling hot. I guess they turned up the heat, on account of it being -200 degrees here in Peoria. But now it's steaming. I was sweating last night while watching TV.

Well, not really, but it's hot.

Last night I

Last night I went back to my parent's, again. Dinner was good, and free. Swedish meatballs, which my mom has mastered. My great grandma (who lived to the tender age of 94) was born and raised in Sweden, so you can imagine that she was pretty good at making meatballs. She taught my mom everything she knows. She's pretty good at it, but not anywhere close to my great grandma.

I also had to put a new thermostat in my car. My heater works now, which is good, considering it's about 80 below in Illinois these days.

I went home for a little while, then I had to drive Brice to work. Then I went to pick up Steph and we saw Dude, Where's my Car? It was okay... kinda funny, in a "this is a movie I would have written when I was 12" kind of way. I wouldn't pay for it though. Either sneak in, or rent it.

Tonight I'm going to sleep early, damn it. I will not be driving Brice to work, because he works at 9, and I will be fast asleep by then.

more stories

Well, I promised more stories, and here they are. I made references to 2 specific ones, so I'll tell those.

The first reference was when I went against the flow, and did things not everyone does, in an attempt to make myself better. I've done this twice. The first time was when I decided to call it quits with the public school system. I had been going to this small public school in the boonies since kindergarten. There were 30 kids in my class, and it would stay that way all through high school. I needed more than that, more experience, more friends, more of a living experience than this little school. I wasn't content there, and it showed... to my parents, my teachers, and my friends. Not that I had a lot of friends there. I had maybe 2, and I hated everyone else. I thought they were all idiots, and bad influences on me. Even from that young age, I knew who would and wouldn't make something out of their lives, and the people I was with weren't. So, I decided to seperate from my friends, and everything I knew, to go to a private Catholic high school. I'm not even Catholic, but I went in the hopes that I would turn out differently than most of the other people I went to gradeschool with. Not too interesting a story, I know, which is why I skipped it.

The next story I referenced was when I said I prefer people not knowing different things about me, and not seeing when I revert to something I don't like being. This happens very rarely, but it does happen. I have bouts of 'depression', I guess. I quoted it, because I'm relatively sure that's not what it is. It's just me getting very down and out, in a very bad way, for 3 days or so, then getting back to myself. I don't know why I do it, but it's happened twice now. I guess I ignore my feelings for so long, then something happens that triggers some sort of emotion or something, and I just lock myself away until it stops. Well, both times this has happened I was in Chicago. Chicago was a weird experience for me. I went there just a few weeks after graduating high school, and throughout my 2 years NEVER made any friends. None. I thought that was odd, since I was always one to have tons of friends, and rarely stay home on weeknights, much less weekends. I spent all my time, by myself, in my tiny little apartment watching TV or movies. These were not the best times of my life. I would talk to my friends who were enjoying their college life, and it would make me feel even worse. It was hard for me to get away from Chicago. I was working, and always had a lot of homework to do. These were lonely days. Well, my 20th birthday was also my first day of the new quarter. I was already feeling pretty shitty, having spent my birthday alone, eating Pizza Hut carryout, and watching a rented movie. Of course no one at school remembered my birtday, but I was looking forward to getting my mail on my way back. I had 4 cards. One from my parents, and 3 from various friends. One was from Barb, which I thought was a little bit strange. I hadn't talked to her for a long time, and for her to remember my birthday was really nice. I get up to my apartment and open her card first, curious to see what was in it. Well, it wasn't a birthday card. It was an engagement notice. Barb was engaged to Nick. This made me so horrible, and I couldn't understand why exactly. By this point I was really bitter about the whole thing, and was on the verge of hating Barb. There was no reason something like this should have set me off, but it did. I got really 'depressed'.

I sat alone for a day or 2, skipping class because I just didn't feel like going. Finally I went online to check my email and one of my friends was trying to talk to me. I responded in little quips, because I didn't want anything to slip, or her to find out anything about me I didn't want her knowing. I didn't want her to know about the announcement, or why it upset me, or that i was even upset. Well, she could tell somehow, and called me on it. I told her everything, and even started crying, right there at my keyboard. I hadn't cried since my grandpa died when I was 5 years old, and here I was bawling like a little girl. This wasn't my best time.

She knows me better than a lot of people at this point, and even she knows very little about the goings-on on the other side. She also asks me less questions these days, which to me means either she respects that my business is my business, or that she doesn't necassarily want to even know the business I was up to. I guess it doesn't really even matter which is which, I guess.

But.. yeah, so there's some stories. That last one rambled without a really good point, but there it was.