Tim Wasson - web nerd guy.

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what did i do last night?

I know, I forgot to answer that.

Okay, I went home, grabbed my portfolio, made a few phone calls, then left to get my parent's Christmas gift. I'm getting a piece of my artwork framed for them, which was a lot more expensive than I expected it to be. Ah, but such is life.

I went back to my place and wasted some time before my friends came and picked me up. Steph and Molly, who I never see these days, were picking me up, and we were going to go to Goodwill, then out to eat and to Walmart. Well, by the time we got done eating it was 9:15. I had to drive Brice to work at 9, so I figured I should skip the Walmart run and take him in.

I run over to Brice's, only to find him asleep. I stood around, waiting for him to get ready, then took him to work and went back home. I checked my email, then took a bath, which is something I haven't done in so, so long. Baths are girly, I know, but they're also very relaxing and comfortable, and a something I don't get to treat myself to very often.

Tonight I'm heading back to my parent's house. I have to do a little more work on my car, then we're eating dinner. It's my dad's birthday tomorrow, so we'll be celebrating that tonight. Pretty exciting, no?

My stupid friends.

Okay, it's come to my attention that I do nothing but bitch about my stupid friends in this here journal. I don't want to do that, because my friends are really great. So, this is a feel good post, listing some of my friends, and their better qualities. I try to draw inspiration from my friends, to see what I do and don't want to be like. So far you've been reading about how I don't want to be, so this will be how I DO want to be like them.

1. Mullens, who I probably bitch about the most. A tad inconsiderate and cocky (a Marine, what do you expect?), but also such a great guy. He's the type I can rely on for anything, from loaning me money to helping me move, to helping me fix a flat tire in the freezing cold at 4 in the morning.

2. Fabish, who I don't bitch about much, because I don't really see him much. I grew up with the kid, so we have very similar senses of humor and ideas of entertainment. He's taught me that you can joke around, and still be very sincere at the same time. You don't have to give up your humor to be serious. Also, he's taught me that good friends should be able to go from stupid jokes to very serious conversation very quickly, without skipping a beat. Me and him have this mastered.

3. Angie. I love her motherly consideration for everyone. Sure, it can be overwhelming sometimes, but it's something I hope to be more like in the future. Always considerate to people's feelings, always comforting to people when they need it, and does things for people because she likes to do them.

4. Stephanie, who I don't think I've ever bitched about, and with good reason. She's the absolute best listener on earth, and will always give advice that 1. I know she would do herself and 2. is completely unbiased in every way. She's friendly under any circumstance, and doesn't let things get her down. She knows when people need her to be there, and will go out of her way to be there for them. I remember when I was feeling like shit in Chicago one night, and she stayed up until the wee hours of the morning talking to me about my problems.

5. Brice, who I've been bitching about constantly lately. He's a really laid back guy, who doesn't let anything get to him. He laughs at his $65,000 debt, and doesn't let it bother him. His strength to move away from Alaska, and to drop out of school after realizing what he was doing wasn't making him happy is very inspirational to me.

So, there it is. Hopefully this will help people understand why I bother putting up with their nonsense. There's a lot of substance underneath those annoyances, and they all have traits that I'm hoping will rub off on me. Eventually.

the 2 girls that killed my ambition.

Okay, here's the long sad story of Tim's love life. I made this private, because I'm sure I'll put some information in here I don't necessarily want any of them knowing. Here goes.

It all started my Sophomore year in high school. I was dating a girl named April. There wasn't a really good reason why I was dating her. I didn't really like her too much. But, she was pretty good looking, a cheerleader, and she asked me out. I said okay. Well, enter another girl. Barb. She was a year younger than me, but we got along great. She had a boyfriend, so there was kind of a little bit of tension, but not a lot. I kind of wanted to date her, and she kind of wanted to date me, but we were both in other relationships, so it wasn't ever an infatuation either one of us took too seriously. That is until I started spending too much time with Barb and April called me on it. She basically presented me with an ultimatum, which I didn't like. I broke up with her, telling her that I didn't do anything wrong, but no one could tell me what to do like that. I was a hard ass, I guess.

Barb found out what happened and felt understandably bad. I told her it wasn't a big deal. After all, I had just turned 16 and wanted to goof around with my guy friends. I was actually sort of looking forward to being single for a while. Barb tried to find a way to make it up to me, but I told her not to worry about it. A few days later she called me up, told me she had dumped her boyfriend, and wanted to date me. I told her I wasn't up for that. We could "see" each other, but I didn't really want be "tied down", after just getting all this new freedom with my new car and driver's license.

But, Barb was a persistent young lass and eventually wore me down. I told her I would date her. I tried to juggle my social life with my date life, but unfortunately I'm not very good at it. I would spend Friday night with Barb, Saturday with my guy friends. Barb would complain, so I'd spend Friday with my guy friends and all day Saturday with Barb. She'd complain, so I'd keep trying to suit her. Finally I had just had enough. I was working now, and had very little time for any kind of social life, much less 2 social lives that I knew had no chance of merging. I called it off.

She asked if I still wanted to be friends. I said sure, and I meant it too. I DID want to be friends.

For a while we were friends. But, it's pretty difficult to go from a pretty hot and heavy relationship (in terms of 15 and 16 year olds, back then), to a friendship. Some stuff still happened, despite my trying to resist. By this time, my Junior year (her sophomore) had started. I spent less time with her than I did over the summer. She didn't like that.

Another thing I feel like I should explain was going on during this summer too. My mom quit her job, and my sister was going to an expensive private college, me to an expensive private high school. This really pissed me off, and there was a lot of tension in my household because of it. Money was tight. We weren't poor by any stretch of the imagination, but we were a lot poorer than we needed to be. I couldn't get name brand stuff all the time, and the food I ate was generic. My cars were so shitty. These aren't horrible things, but when you're 16, going to a private high school, they matter quite a bit. I put a lot of blame on my mom. I still do. During this summer, we were supposed to take a trip to California. I found out the day we left that my mother would not be joining us. It was me, my sister, and my dad. We were out there almost 2 weeks, and when we got back my mom had moved out. I don't know where she went, but she came back about 2 months later. When she came back I was already pretty well into my junior year.

Well, this whole thing made me very bitter. I no longer had to answer to my mom. She meant nothing to be by this point, and my dad was too upset to care what I did. So, I got really stupid during this time. I stopped contact with all my old friends and made new ones. I did this, I think, to distance myself from the life I knew. I didn't especially want the friends I had to know what was going on with me, and I felt like I had to do it alone. So, I did. I stopped calling my friends and when they called me I yelled at them, telling them they didn't understand or something. I barely knew what I was saying back then. It didn't make any sense to me, even while I was saying it.

So, I spent a lot of time at home, with my dad. My sister was at school, and my dad spent most of his time in the garage. To this day, I still don't think my sister especially knew what was going on, exactly. After this got boring, I started going out with my other friends. My old friends were good, upstanding people. Honor Roll students, straight edged.... great people who will make something with their lives. My new friends.... not so much. They did a lot of drugs, drinking, were failing out of school, that sort of thing. I tried it for a while. I drank a lot. A LOT. I didn't do a lot of drugs, but I did some. This wasn't my lifestyle, and I knew it. This isn't where I wanted to be, so I left. Again.

I was 17 by this point, and still had my job at the movie theater. Barb would stop by and see me, and she'd call me on the phone a lot. I was ashamed of my behavior, and my family life. I didn't want people who knew me before to see me now, so talking to her pissed me off like you wouldn't believe. But, since I had made up my mind to stop this stupid behavior, I was trying to reintroduce myself to my old friends. Barb knew something was going on with me though, she always had known it. My other friends didn't know it, and I wasn't volunteering anything. I still didn't want her to talk to me. When the visits and phone calls wouldn't stop, I made some crack to one of my friends about her stalking me. Somehow word got back to her about what I had said, and she apparently didn't like it too much. I was walking down the hall to one of my classes and she came out of nowhere, shoved me into a locker and yelled at me about it. That was the end of her.

Enter... Senior year. I had a brand new job at Kinko's, severing the ties to my druggie friends at the movie theater. I got some of my old friends back, and made some new ones on top of that. I was doing great. My grades were up, my mom and I were getting along a little better, mostly because she had gotten a new job. No more financial troubles in the Wasson household, and I was happier than I had been in a long time. As luck would have it, I had 2 classes with Barb. Her last name being Ward and mine Wasson, we were always sat right next to each other. I felt bad for the way things had gone down in the years before. Twice I had killed my relationship with her when she was just trying to be friendly. I apologized for my behavior and hoped we could put that behind us, and be friends again. I wasn't interested in dating her, which was good because shortly after the "stalking" incident she got a new boyfriend, Nick. We started passing notes in class, talking on the phone, things like that. I felt really close to her, especially since she was so eager to accept me back after the horrible way I treated her. I knew there was something special there.

So, you guessed it, I started having feeling for her again. I knew she wouldn't want anything to do with me, since she was dating Nick. Still, I couldn't just stand around and feel this way without saying anything. So, this is what I told her, almost verbatim:

"Barb, I don't expect you to do anything with this, since I know you probably won't, but still, I feel like I should tell you. I really like you, and I think we would make a great couple. I know you're dating Nick, so I don't expect anything to happen, but I just thought you should know."

Well, she told me she felt the same way. She had thought about it too, had felt the closeness I had felt, and had considered dumping Nick for me. But, after debating in her head about it, she had decided to stay with him. This was the resolution I expected, so we hung up and I was satisfied with my attempt.

Fast forward 10 minutes, and Barb calls me up. She says she thinks she made the wrong choice, and I need to help her make the right one. All I needed to do was talk to her, listen to her, and be her friend. Eventually she'd make a concrete decision. I was ecstatic that she was putting this much thought into things. Maybe, just maybe, she'd choose me and all would be well in the world. She asked me why I had acted the way I had acted. I told her everything I just put in this here post. To this day, she's the only one (oh, and I guess anyone reading this, too) who knows the whole story. She then told me what she had been up to since our breakup, and the events that followed.

Basically, to make her story short, she turned into a big slut. She was sleeping around a lot. She's one of those God-lover types who felt bad about it. As well she should... she knew her boundaries and didn't follow them. She knew I have no problem with premarital sex, or meaningless sex, but SHE had different views, and should follow them. She felt dirty, she said. Luckily, she had stopped. But, she was now sleeping with Nick on almost a daily basis. I didn't see the harm... sure, it was premarital sex, something she didn't agree with, but compared to what she had been doing this was a walk in the park. A loving relationship, steady... no problem. But, she felt bad anyway, and wanted desperately to stop and didn't know how. Me, being the boy scout I am, offered to help in any way I could.

The way to help, said her, was just be there, listen to her and tell her it was going to be okay. I did that. She called me almost every night, her voice trembling, telling me she just slept with Nick. It tore me up inside like you wouldn't believe. It made me sick to my stomach. I vomited a lot back then. I would stay home on weekends because I knew she would call me, and she needed me.

As me and Barb got closer, her and Nick got more distant. Good, as far as I was concerned. We would go out on weekends together, talking and laughing and having a great time. This went on for a while, and a lot of stuff happened that made me feel like shit, but I'll skip those and move to the big one.

After a few months I started pushing her for an answer. I liked being her friend and all, but she knew I wanted more and stringing me along like this wasn't helping. She told me she was trying to make a decision, but it was hard, seeing Nick as a boyfriend and me as a friend, to make a clear decision. Her answer, for us to kiss and see what happens. See if there's the sparks that she felt with Nick. This had to be a highly secret mission, since me and her really shouldn't be seeing each other anyway. Nick was getting more jealous, and Barb's parents were getting worried. So, we definitely had to sneak a kiss. If anyone saw us, it would just be a disaster.

I drove her home from school one day, and she told me her parents weren't home. It would be the perfect time to kiss, and see what happened. We went to her bedroom, just in case her parents walked in. It was extremely awkward, trying to kiss under these circumstances, but we did. And as soon as we did, there was other stuff. A lot of other stuff. It got really intense, and fast, and before I knew it we were in the middle of the act. I tried to stop, knowing full well that this was the sort of thing she was trying to stop doing. This was what made her feel dirty, and less worthy as a person. I tried to stop. I did stop, actually. A few times, but she kept telling me it was okay, killing my conscience for a few minutes at a time. Finally things were over, and we were getting dressed. She told me I had to hurry out, since her parents would be home soon. I hurried out.

On the way home I kept thinking.... If this was real, then why would she let it happen when I was trying to stop it? But, if she was lying about wanting to stop, why? What was her motivation? She had done a pretty good job of making me feel like shit, but why would she do that on purpose? Tons, tons, tons of questions filled my mind.

Things were understandably weird from that point on.

My friends tried to convince me that she was messing with me, even though they didn't know the point to which we had messed. I told them they just didn't understand, that it was different, they just didn't know. Meanwhile, me and Barb weren't having deep conversations or talking much anymore.

Fast forward... graduation. She gave me a card I felt was from the heart. She apologized for how things had happened, saying that she'd never forget me and she would love me forever. I felt even shittier. Had I taken advantage of her that day, then ignored her ever since? Was it my fault?

I went away to school about 3 weeks later. I tried to stay in touch with her, but she wouldn't return my mail, email, or phone calls. After a few months of this, my friend's advice started to ring true. She was messing with me. I had messed her up a few years back, and this was her revenge. It worked. She made me feel like shit for more than a year by this point.

Well, I didn't talk to her for a long time after that.

Ah, but remember when I was making all new friends? I made one named Missy (or Jill/Julie for those of you in-the-know). We had a lot of the same interests, and experiences. She was an adorable girl. She, unlike Barb, returned my phone calls, email, and letters while I was in Chicago. We got a lot closer during that time, and I thought maybe this would be the girl to help me recover from the whole Barb fiasco.

Whenever I went home I would see her. We got along great.

When she went away to school, I went down to visit her one weekend. We drank a lot. We also got very close. She tried to kiss me, but I would pull away. Then I would try to kiss her, and she would pull away. That's how things worked that night. Finally we fell asleep, in each other's arms on the ground. It was wonderful. With her I didn't need to tell her I wanted to date, it was just kind of understood. She had reservations, because we were such good friends and she didn't want to ruin that. All I could do was bide my time. There was no arguing with that.

We kept in touch a lot. We came very close to dating, especially right before I graduated college. We were very close to just saying "All right, let's go for it", then I graduated. This is where things get weird.

I get home and my friends and family have thrown me a surprise graduation party. I was tired out of my mind from all my finals, that I had just finished that day, so at the time I didn't even notice that Missy wasn't there. The next day I realized it though, and called her. She apologized for not being there, but her excuse was what killed me. She said she would have felt uncomfortable with all those people she didn't know. Fuck that. It was my party, she would have been there for me, congratulating me for graduating #1 in my class with a 3.9 GPA, graduating early no less. Her excuse was so "me me me" that I got pissed. With good reason, I still believe. That was my accomplishment, and her not acknowledging it because of some selfish reason pissed me off.

She used my pissed off behavior as an excuse to call it quits. She had felt "distance" now. Whatever. She told me she didn't really ever want to talk to me again. I said fine.

2 months later she emails me (nice and personal, eh?) and apology. I accept, because I'm a damn chump. We try to be friends again, but it's pointless. It's not working, and it's not going anywhere. She's not a good friend, and you guys know that from my troubles with her at the beginning of this journal.

So, there is it. My horrible experiences with love. Hopefully #3 will work. I'm not looking for marriage, I'm looking for returned feelings, and a relationship involving those feelings that doesn't end like these have.

And, a strange ending, for your reading pleasure.

Barb is back in the picture. Go figure. She's been emailing me, telling me she misses me as a friend and wants to hang out again. I email her back, saying I'm not interested, she has nothing to prove to me anymore, and I would rather call it quits back when we called it quits. She doesn't like this answer. And remember how persistent she is? She might just win this battle, too.

I just got a raise.

Yesterday marked my 6 month anniversary at this company, so they've given good 'ole Timbo a big 'ole 10% raise. Go Tim.

I'd tell you my post-raise salary, but that would make all of you extremely jealous, I'm sure.

As promised...

... I will now bitch about my friends some more. Actually, just one of my friends, because he is pissing me off like you wouldn't believe.

The story starts more than a month ago. Me and Brice (the guy pissing me off) are sitting in a pizza place in the mall. He says "Oh my God, look at that girl over there". I turn around to see a girl walking to the back of the restaurant. I turn back to Brice and say "Dude, that's my cousin". He didn't believe me, but it was absolutely true.

A few days later I invite him to Thanksgiving dinner with my family. He doesn't have any family around here (he's the guy from Anchorage), so he accepted. Of course, my cousin was there. He gets a little infatuated while talking to her during dinner. Then, he won't stop obsessing about her. He kept asking me for her number, asking me to ask my parents for her number, etc. etc. Finally he used MY PHONE (read: my phone bill) to call information and get it. Still, not a big deal.

They go out once and now the boy will not stop talking about it. All the time. Every second. We can't have a conversation without bringing her up. I hate it. It's not just because it's my cousin, it's because he's obsessing. And he never refers to her by name, it's always "your cousin". I hate that too.

I've never had a problem with this kid, but everyone else I know has. I guess you can overdose, and now I have. Yesterday I had 2 messages from him on my machine. The first said "Dude, I left my backpack there, so I need to get it. I'm just going to come over." The second message said "Dude, I just rode my bike over there, and you weren't there". No shit?

I talked to him yesterday, and apparently after he got here he walked around my whole building, looking in my windows. He could tell me exactly which lights I had left on. Now, that's weird and all, but I was still happy that we were having a conversation that didn't involve my cousin. Then, finally he says "Hey, did you know your aunt died?" to which I replied "No, she didn't. Maybe Megan's aunt died, but not mine." To which he replied "Dude, your family is so fucked up". I didn't feel the need to explain to him how this was possible, and very easy to understand if he thought about it, so I simply hung up and didn't answer when he called back multiple times.

Other than that, things are good with my friends. I just need to stay away from this guy for like... a week. Then things will be good again.

Breaking tradition

'sup dawgs? I know, it's not often (okay, it's never) that I post in this here journal from home, but I'm doing it now. Why, you ask? Well, because I am so absolutely bored off my ass and can't think of anything else to do.

So, the question was "why does people falling asleep on your couch bother you so much?" and the answer is....

... it just does. Not because of the event per say, but because of all the reasons for it. Let me give you 2 stories.

1. A friend of mine, Brice, knows how much it pisses me off when people fall asleep on my couch. Still, he falls asleep. I tried to wake him up at about 9, and he called me a dick and went back to sleep. Then at 9:30 I woke him up again, because he had to work. He called me a dick again, then he called me an asshole for not waking him up earlier. Oh, but I can live with that. The next week he drops by, unannounced, at about 9:15. Now, keep in mind that when I'm not doing anything else, I tend to be asleep by 10:30 to accomodate my early work schedule, as well as my stay-out-too-late habits. This particular night I was really tired anyway, and about to go to sleep.

Still, he comes over and suggests we go out and rent a movie. I say no, because I'm tired and really just want to go to sleep. He grabs a movie and throws it on anyway, so by this point I've decided that I guess I'll stay up. He ate my cookies, then he drank my beer, then he fell asleep on my couch. I woke him up and told him he was a bit inconsiderate for keeping me up, meanwhile he just falls asleep on me. He told me to stop being so anal.

I woke him up about 2 more times within the next 10 minutes, both times him telling me he was just blinking, and was wide awake. So, the 3rd time I sat there and watched as he slept for like 45 seconds. I woke him up and told him to go home, so I could get some sleep. He called me a dick, again, for "kicking him out" when in fact, I had never even invited him. That's story 1 why it pisses me off.

2. My other dumb friend, Mullens, falls asleep everywhere all the time. THAT really pisses me off. Not because of the act, again, but because of the inconsiderations surrounding the act. He always tells me what a "pussy" I am on the rare occassion that I turn down an invitation to go out when I have to work the next morning. He always brags about how he sleeps only 5 hours a night, and stays out late every night. Yet, when we watch a movie at 7:30 at night, he falls asleep on my couch. Yeah, you're a stud. The last time it happened was right after he drank my beer, took over my remote control, and used my phone without asking. Then after he fell asleep I just said "fuck it" and came online to waste some time. When he woke up he called me boring and left.

Truthfully, if I had a really considerate, nice, understanding friend who had a rough day and fell asleep on my couch, I wouldn't mind it. Unfortunately it's my dickhead friends that always do it. Go figure.

So, I've done nothing tonight thus far, and will not do anything else tonight. I'm probably going to sleep very soon here. Since I don't really have anything to update you guys on tomorrow, I'll just bitch about my friends some more. Sound good? Good.

Monday morning. Tired

Monday morning. Tired, so tired.

My weekend, from the top. Friday night after work I headed back to my parent's house. I was going to jack my car up, fix whatever was wrong with the power steering, then just go home. After jacking it up and climbing under, I saw a ton of snow built up around everything that I need to help me steer. I figured this was my problem, so using hot water and a heat gun I got rid of all the snow, then climbed in and tried the steering. No improvement. I rechecked everything I had checked the night before, but this time found that the power steering fluid was dirty and smelled really bad. I had burnt out my pump, probably from trying to turn with all that snow built up everywhere. Ah well, live and learn. So, my car is in the shop, getting a brand new power steering pump put on. My dad drove me back to my place, then left me without a car for the rest of the weekend.

I made a few phone calls, but couldn't really make any plans. One friend's truck is still in the shop from his mishap a few days ago, and my girl friend was scared to drive with the roads in the condition they were in. So, at 10:30 I gave up and fell asleep on my couch.

Saturday I was still stranded without a car. I was having a party that night and needed to go pick up food and beverages, but I couldn't really get away to do that. Plus, my good friend was coming back from Colorado, so I was on the phone trying to see where she was, and if she would even make it back with Peoria's "blizzard like" conditions. Finally she made it back, and we grabbed some food and stuff for my party and headed back to my place.

The party was... uh... good. I guess. I knew not a lot of people were going to show up. Jill/Julie promised she would, but then called me later in the day with a speech about the "weather" and how it would completely hinder her arrival. Bullshit. It was a little bit cold out, but the girl had to drive like 5 miles. Tops.

Ah, but I digress. Not a lot people showed, maybe 15 at the most. It was fun though, and they drank a lot of beer. A lot. There were only 3 people there I didn't know, and they were all really cool. None of them tried to kick my ass, which is always a plus when it comes to parties.

On Sunday, me, Fabish (my best friend of 21 years), Steph (the girl just back from Colorado), and Angie (the girl scared to drive in bad conditions) went Christmas shopping. It was a disgrace, really. I bought a present for my dad, but no one else.

I'm having some of my drawings framed for my sister, brother in law, and mom, but all my drawings are in the back of my car, and my car is in the shop. I couldn't very well buy presents for my friends while shopping with my friends, so I walked away from our outing with a power drill and nothing else.

Well I'm about

Well, I'm about ready to leave for the weekend. On top of our 22,000 inches of snow, we now have a foot and a half of freezing rain. Driving home will be like ice skating.

If I never type again, assume that I died on my way home tonight.

Anyway, I'm having another, smaller, party tomorrow, and no other plans this weekend. It won't be eventful by any means, but it will be nice.

Have a good weekend everyone.

So last night

So, last night I get home and have a few messages on my machine, as per usual. One guy wants me to drive him to work that night, since he just crashed his truck (remember?). I call him back, say I'll drive his dumb ass to work, and invite him to dinner. Of course, I have to go pick him up and on my way out of my alley I hit a whole bunch of snow. I thought I was gonna be alright, since I straightend my car out and was heading the right way. Unfortunately the car started sliding to the left. I did everything I could do, but I slid right into the curb. I tried getting out, but alas, I could not.

I got out of the car and started kicking the snow out from underneath it. I figured if I could hit the pavement underneath one of my wheels, I'd be good to go, but the snow was really packed down tight, and I couldn't do it.

Luckily a guy and 2 girls I didn't know walked by and volunteered to help me out. We finally got my car pushed out and I took off. On my way over to my friend's, I realized my power steering wasn't working anymore. Hmmm....

So, we go out to eat. I figured some snow got lodged somewhere that was impairing my steering ability, and that it would fall out after driving a few miles. It didn't.

We get back to my place and pop the hood. Power steering fluid, full. Power steering pump? Hooked up to the belts and running fine. I figured the problem wasn't in the engine, it was in the snow that had gotten stuck somewhere. We cleared all the snow out of my wheel wells, then I took it to the car wash and sprayed hot water all over the engine compartment and underneath as well as I could. It didn't help.

Tonight I'm going home and putting the car in my parent's garage, jacking it up, and climbing underneath it to see what's wrong. Stupid car. Stupid winter.

I don't know if you've ever tried driving a car without power steering, but it's tough.