Tim Wasson - web nerd guy.

Blog

You know the

You know the best feeling in the world? Waking up, looking at the clock, and realizing you can sleep for another hour. I had that this morning, and that last hour of sleep is always the best.

You know what I like best about that hour? First, you fall asleep very quickly because you know you have to, and you always have the weirdest dreams, and you always remember every second.

What I noticed this morning was that dream-time is completely different from real-time. I had to keep waking myself up, because I don't use an alarm and I thought it was time to go. A 10 minute dream seemed to go on forever.

Yesterday I called my landlord to reaffirm that I WILL be moving in on November 10th at the absolute latest. She had the nerve to be pushy about my deposit. "I've told you 2 or 3 times that I need your deposit" she said. "I've been waiting for 4 months to move into my apartment. You'll get the deposit when it's done" is what I replied. I caved though, and will be giving her the deposit today. Damn.

I talked to "Jill" on IM yesterday. She got mad at me again for not replying to my email. Can I do anything right with her? Seriously, I'm not as big a fuck up as she makes me out to be. At least I hope I'm not. That would be pretty sad.

Horoscope

I've been reading about my name analysis, sign information, and horoscope lately. I don't know why... boredom maybe? I see a lot that applies to me. I don't know if this is because they're true, or because I'm trying very hard to make them applicable to me. I guess it doesn't matter in the long run, eh? Well, here's today's horoscope:

"For October 30: Your ability to communicate
has never been more important. You're able
to emotionally connect with others. You
seduce even diehard nonbelievers and win
additional support. Superglue yourself to
people and circumstances that can potentially
expedite your dreams. Make your most
eloquent arguments today -- and speak from
your heart for the greatest impact. Lots of
discussions, commuting, and schedule
juggling are likely. FYI: You are deeply in
touch with your emotions and sensuality this
evening."

This seems pretty accurate for the goings-on as of late, right? Or am I reading too much into it? I do that a lot.

The schedule juggling is completely wrong, but I can forgive them for that I suppose.

old, new, good, bad, right, wrong?

Here's something I noticed this weekend that I don't really understand.

I'm the type of guy with a lot of friends. My circle is pretty big and expands a lot. Because of this, I can tolerate very little shit from people. If someone shits on me, I cut them off and stop talking to them. It's easy for me because I have a lot of people to fall back on. I don't need to be friends with people who shit on me. It's part of my weeding out process... out with the bad, in with the good. All the friends I consistently hang out with have never shit on me, and I have never shit on them. I see people who are friends with people who constantly disappoint them. That's pretty sad.

But this weekend I decided to "weed out" a friend I used to consider a very good friend. For those who are wondering, yeah, it was "Jill" or "Julie" or whatever I decided to call her but can't remember now. My obsession for the past few years. She shit on me a lot, and I grinned and bared it a lot.

I weeded her out, and almost instantly I got re-introduced to a lot of my old friends. These weren't friends who shit on me, just friends that I got separated from during my stay in Chicago, and since I've been back our schedules have been too different to meet up. I hung out with 3 people I haven't hung out with in 3 years this weekend, and it was great. I had a much better time with them than with "Julie/Jill". This only reinforces my stance.

But I just wonder how this happens... Like.. do I give off a vibe when I'm not really happy, and that discourages people from hanging out with me? I know that cutting Jill/Julie out of my life should have upset me, but all my friends said I seemed happier this weekend. Even I noticed I was less preoccupied and walked with an extra spring in my step. Does this vibe encourage more people to meet me? Cutting out the shit really helps man. I recommend it to everyone.

In other, more concrete news, the weekend was good. Friday night my best friend was throwing a party, so I showed up fashionably late... about 11:15. The keg was already cashed, so a couple of guys brought in 2 cases. They were gone in literally 30 seconds, so they gave me some money and I picked up 3 30 packs. They lasted about 10 minutes. I had to grab like 15 for my friends and our private stash. That was all I drank all night. It was still a really good party though.

I had to wake up early on Saturday, then my brother in law came over for his birthday thing at my house. We ate dinner and they left about 9. I made 1 phone call to try and make plans. I got her answering machine, so I just decided to go to sleep. I was tired.

Sunday I saw Blair Witch 2 with those aforementioned friends. It was a good time. The movie was all right, but not nearly as good as the first one.

That's about all I have to say. Don't worry, I'm sure later in the day I'll ramble some more.

Guess what....

As per usual, I'm outtie just a tad early today. And....
As per usual, I won't be posting or replying or any of that stuff over the weekend, because...
As per usual, I will be drinking beer and partying all weekend, and it will be good.

I won't see "Jill" this weekend. I told her my concern about her not spending time with me or getting to know me and my friends, and she sees a simple solution... to blow me off this weekend.

Fuckin' girls.

But I digress. This is Halloween weekend and shall be spent in drunken splendor with my REAL friends, not a phoney-bologna infatuation that just simply has lasted too long. I have a feeling that the infatuation, and even casual contact, with her are both gone.

For good.

This time I mean it.

Seriously.

Have a good weekend everyone.

Brace yourselves. This will be quite a post.

Well I'll start with the easy stuff. I think I've been so tired because I've been sleeping too much. So, I put my theory to practice last night and went to sleep about 11:30, and woke up less tired than I've been for months. This is despite having one of the worst sleeps I can remember. I woke up about every 20 minutes and had the hardest time getting back to sleep. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Last night was spent looking at the progress on my apartment, then drinking beer and eating pizza at one of my friend's places. Fun stuff.

Now to the harder, more rambling stuff. Here goes.

I have basically 2 social lives. I have one with my "circle", which is pretty big. They're all awesome friends. When I'm bored, I have the choice of about 10 people to call and go over to their place, or them come over to mine, etc. Then of course I have acquaintances, people I know by association, that I hang out with and feel comfortable with. All of these people contribute in my life. They all know what my parents do for a living, where I live, where I grew up, where I went to school and what my major was... all the important parts to my life, they know. And vise versa. It's important for me to know these things and I enjoy learning about them.

My other social life is with my obsession, who we'll call Jill to protect the innocent. I try my best to participate in her life. I ask her question after question about her, her family, friends, school... I visit her at school, I call her, I do everything for her I do for my other friends. I get nothing in return. She probably couldn't tell you where I went to school (some art school in Chicago, she'd say) or what my major was there (something about art?). She thought my dad was a lumberjack (he's a social worker). She has no idea where I live or where I work. These aren't traits I want in a girlfriend, so luckily (luckily?) she's not a girlfriend.

But as a friend, beyond my last paragraph of complaints, I don't really have anything else to complain about. She's there when I need her to be there. She listens to me bitch about things and offers me advice when I need it. She tells me things I don't want to hear, but need to. I just want her to be a part of my life, my OTHER life, my circle of friends. She's never met another one of my friends. Ever. I want her to, and I want to show her where I grew up, and I want her to know the things about me that I know about her.

Is that too much to ask?

Well, these feelings all came a-crashin' down the other night. I asked her to yet another party with my friends, and again, she refused without another thought even though she knows it's important that she meet my friends. So, I ask her to this party and her response is "no, but thanks for the invite". Well, I wasn't happy about it, but I also don't have a reason to get angry. I didn't want to tell her all these feelings, because I don't want to guilt her into doing these things for me. I want her to want to do them, for herself, not for me. So, I simply avoided it. I decided to leave rather than try to be happy about her decision.

She sensed that something was wrong and I explained to her that it was nothing. When she insisted I told her I would email her later with everything she needed to know. I told her what I just told you guys and now she's pissed at me.

Is that my fault? She's telling me my feelings are wrong, but is that possible? Logically I can't be mad at her for not wanting to spend time with my friends. So I'm not, but that doesn't mean I don't feel the way I feel. Am I wrong here?

But at the same time it's not about right and wrong, as she seems to think it is. It's not about whose a better friend, as she thinks it is. It's about me and my feelings about things. That's it. For her to get upset and cancel our plans this weekend because of it is silly. Actually it's more than silly, it's stupid.

Fuckin' girls.

Seriously though... a lot of questions I ask in this journal are rhetoric but I'd love some feedback on this bad boy. Especially you girlies out there.

That's about it for me.

Look at my shield.

Why do people feel the need to get so defensive? When I bring up topics I don't necessarily want a ton of feedback on them. When I feel a certain way, that's just how I feel and no amount of logic is going to change my mind.

I don't have many feelings, so when I get one, just let me have it, would ya?

This gets especially harder when they're misunderstood to the point that I'm the bad guy. I don't want to be the bad guy, ya know? Especially not for something I can't control.

Well, in other news, last night I ate home buffalo wings and drank some beer and watched some porno with some friends. It was all guys, of course, which was good because bitches woulda just cramped our style, yo.

Tonight I'm hitting the bars for dollar draft and pizza night. It should be fun, provided I meet a bitch who will cramp my style, yo.

Hm.

Is it too much to ask for my friends to take an active interest in me? I mean an interest beyond asking me questions. An interest that gets to the point of participating in my life. I do that for my friends, and most return the favor. But some don't.

I don't want them to just "return the favor" to use my own words. I want them to WANT to participate in my life, meet my other friends, know where I live, etc. Maybe I'm the only person who thinks that's important.

To me, asking questions isn't enough. I wish it was.

But oh well. I'm outtie for the day.

Being a bitch really gets you places in life.

I just learned this lesson recently. Recently being in the last year or 2. I've always been polite to people, especially when they will be providing me a service. In my customer service jobs I always reacted better to people who treated me like a person rather than someone who were threatening and stern. Well, things have changed I think.

In Chicago it took them nearly a month to hook up my phone line. During this time I was very polite when I called them, even though it was wasting my quarters at pay phones or making very large cell phone bills. Eventually I had enough and yelled when I called them. My phone line was hooked up in a matter of a day or 2.

I had a charge on my credit card I didn't make. When I was polite, it showed up on my bill month after month. When I yelled... guess what, it disappeared.

I'm trying to move out of my house. I've been trying since August 1st... that was the date they gave me when the apartment would be done. Well, we're coming up on November 1st and they're guessing November 10th. I've been extremely patient and had a good attitude about things so far. Well, last night I was thinking about it in depth. Ya know how when you think about things like that it starts getting your blood boiling? Well, that's what happened. So, I emailed my landlord a kind of nasty letter about how I've been postponed, as well as my plans and my parent's plans, etc. etc. etc. etc. and about 42 more etc.'s. So, early today I get a phone call saying I can move into a large 4 bedroom, for free, until they finish up my 3 bedroom. Then I would need to move my junk down 1 level when it's done. Well, my moaning comes through for me once again.

For any of you who want to get something done, my advice to you is to bitch bitch bitch. That is all. Carry on.

my exciting night.

I avoided doing anything last night on purpose. I had fallen behind on all the DVDs I've been buying and not watching, so I took last night off. I didn't drink any beer, but instead just watched some movies. I was in bed by 9:15. I think I'm more awake today.

That, of course, means I can stay out too late tonight and drink too much beer. I like catching up on my sleep, but I also like going out. I guess I need to find the happy medium. I don't think I've found that.

Tonight is $3/pound wing night at my favorite wing restaurant. I bet I can stuff down 3 pounds if I try hard enough.

Schutpid schtuph

Well as per usual I'm outtie just a tad early tonight, but I wanted to add this before I left. I've been sitting her all day, doing nothing with the exception of a phone call or 3. I just got off IM with my would-be girlfriend who shall remain nameless.

God, I don't know why she makes me feel this way. I wish I could turn it off, but at the same time turn on other feeling parts of my brain. Why can't I pick and choose?

Well anyway... this is getting suspiciously close to a bitching post which I would really, really like to avoid. I hate those damn thing. I'm going to cut myself off before I get to that point.