Alrighty then.

Some of you (okay, just one of you) expressed some concern about me not typing about Jill/Julie as of late. So what happened to her? Did she die or did I simply wise-up? I simply wised (wose?) up.

The question was followed closely by why I put up with this crap from girls. Yet another good question. I'll field both of them here, at the same time no less, for everyone concerned.

First, it's happened twice, count 'em, twice, that I've run into a girl I considered to be more than a friend. That is, a girl I would want to date. That's right. 21 years old, and I've found only 2 girls I would want to date. I've dated 3 girls, and only 1 of them was on my "I can see myself dating this girl" list, and while we were dating, she wasn't even on the list. Ah, but that's a completely different story.

So, it's very rare that I actually like a girl enough to date her. When it happens, I think of it as proof that I MUST be right here. I mean, I wait around, refuse offers from other girls, waiting for the special one. I'm friends with tons of girls I would never consider dating, so when I run into a girl I WOULD date, how can I be wrong? It MUST be the right girl. Well, the first girl this happened with turned out to play me like a fool for months. It was the worst experience of my life and made me bitter about the whole dating thing. I still have contact with this girl, although not pleasant contact by any means. She messed me up for a long time, and made me very timid about entering another relationship-type-thing.

Then along comes Jill/Julie. I felt so strongly about her... not quite as much as I did about the other girl, but close. I thought... here's my chance to redeem myself. Here's my chance to prove I'm NOT messed up, and I can like a normal girl who will like me back. Well, that didn't work out either. I drug it out longer than I needed to, because I really wanted it to work out. Not necessarily for the relationship, but for my own sanity, I think. I wanted to be right, and have a correct feeling. Well, it didn't work out either. I don't know how I can consistently get the wrong feelings about things like this.

So, I finally came to terms with the Julie/Jill thing. She sort of had feelings for me, but my timidness (from the other girl) kept things from happening. When I stopped hesitating, I had missed my window and that was that. At least in her mind, and it took a little while longer to get out of my head as well.

So, that answers why I take shit from girls I like. Because I don't like many girls, and when I do, I want so desperately for things to work out that when they don't, I keep trying until finally I'm humiliated and stop talking to whoever it was I lingered on for too long.

And there's what happened to Julie/Jill. I just cut off contact. I saw and talked to her so much because I called her and emailed her a lot. I would go down to visit her and go out of my way to talk to her on the phone or on IM. I don't do that anymore, and luckily (luckily?) she doesn't like me enough to call me or write me emails. So, when I stopped trying to contact her, she simply vanished. She did email me once since the party, but it was a fluffy email with no real content, so it's hardly worth mentioning.

As for liking girls that I don't think will like me back... Well, I don't necessarily do that on purpose. It's just been coincidence (I hope) that 100% of the time that's how it's worked out. I can't ruin the streak now, so I'm on a quest for the next girl I'll like who will want nothing to do with me. It's kind of a joke, but it has some truth to it. Any volunteers? Let me know.

So that's about it. Any other questions about my lovelife or lack thereof? My life is an open book.

← Home