I feel like

I feel like shit now.

I've been pushing Barb away, because I don't really want anything to do with her anymore. I'm not interested in being her friend. I finally caved and told her I would go out with her. This was to do nothing more than "break up", sort of, with her. I was going to go out with her and have a good time one last time before never seeing her again.

Today I found out that her dad died. Me and Barb have had our differences, but this isn't something I would wish upon anyone.

I visited Barb during my lunch hour today to make sure she was okay.

I can't imagine what it's like to lose a family that close to you. And yet, I know a lot of people who have gone through it.

Chris Creamer, who I used to be good friends with. His mom died earlier this year, and he went a little nuts. He stopped talking to everyone who tried to help him through it.

Brian Kelly, who I still hang out with on some occassions. He handled it better than I thought was possible, and will talk about it openly to anyone who asks. When his dad got remarried, it didn't bother him at all.

Josh Fuller, who I also still hang out with. His mom died of cancer during our senior year of high school. He didn't take it too well, and it still upsets him to think about it. His situation is quite a bit different though.

John Zarr, whose sister died a year and a half ago in a car accident. He proved to be a lot stronger than I thought he could ever be. I was a good friend to Jill, but wasn't nearly as close to her as John was.

And now Barb. I only met her dad twice. He wasn't too fond of me, but a nice guy underneath all the gruff.

To all you people who will never read this, I admire you and your courage in getting through those times. I don't know how I would react. You all earned a lot more respect in my mind in being able to deal with this stuff.