Starved Rock

The 'ole lady and I took a trip to Starved Rock this weekend, spending a couple nights in a cabin, hiking some trails, climbing some rocks, enjoying some scenery, and generally having a great time in each other's company. The whole place was so beautiful and relaxing. Parts of it were hard to believe I was even still in Illinois with the huge waterfalls and caverns. Amazing.

I got home yesterday and spent the day visiting my family and seeing Lucy for only the 2nd time since her birth. I tried unsuccessfully to hunt down someone to see Clerks 2 with, so I gave up and saw it by myself. Overall, it was a great flick.

I won't lie though... it opened up some wounds that I've been trying desperately to close. Most are related to a stagnating career and nagging suspicion that I'm wasting my potential and possibly my life. I'm not nearly as bad off as Randal or Dante, since I'm not 33 and certainly not working fast food, but I'm going to be completely cocky and silly for just a second if you don't mind.

I've always thought I was better than most people. I told ya I was going to be cocky. I always thought I was more talented, destined for bigger and better things than most. I thought my friends were supposed to be cooler, better than most. I thought my girlfriend (and/or wife) would treat me as good or better than I deserved. I thought I'd be respected in my career and life. It's hard now that I'm coming into the realization that, even though in my head I'm still better than most of society, in some ways I'm very much not better. In some ways I'm worse. And in most ways, society couldn't give a shit about me one way or the other.

I've got no problem in a small, "ordinary" life. In some ways, it's what I strive for. But I at least want to stand out against the other "ordinary" lives, ya know? I don't want to stand out in a way that makes my life worse. And right now, I feel like that's the way I'm standing out.

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