Things are just

Things are just downright frustrating right now.

I went into this whole freelancing thing, fully aware that it would be a slow start and take a while before I started making as much as I was making at Iona. However, now that I'm 2 weeks into it, I'm not sure I can keep my head as high as it's been.

If I had stayed at Iona, I would have made a little over $1000 in these past 2 weeks. Instead, I've made $0. I've worked, sure, but not really. The one billable project I have going right now is lame as hell and can't be billed for quite some time. It's about half done. Maybe I'll send them a bill for half just to keep myself fed, since I am now completely out of money.

I honestly thought I would make some money in my first 2 weeks. I didn't dream I'd make as much as I made working at Iona, but I thought I would make SOMETHING. You know, $40 here, $50 there... it would be inspiring to make just a little bit on my own. I haven't done that yet. Most of the work I've done has been on my web page and demo reel, but it just sucks wondering where my next dollar or meal will come from. It sucks having to mooch on my parents and roommates after being so completely independent for so long.

It's getting harder to even get out of bed in the morning, knowing there's not really a job to do. "Your style just isn't what we're looking for", some people say. "You're perfect! Oh, but wait, we just lost funding," others say.

How frustrating. I'm not ready throw in the towel just yet, but here's my promise to myself: I will try this for 2 months. If, at the end of 2 months, I have made absolutely no money, I'll look for full time work wherever I can get it, even if it means crawling back to Iona.