What a stressful

What a stressful day. Closing on a house sucks ass.

So, I get up at about 9:30 and go through the regular morning routine, then call the mortgage place to get an exact dollar figure I need to bring in. "Oh, we don't have it yet. Call back in an hour." 11:00. "Not yet. Give us an hour." Noon. "Yeah, we still don't have it. Can you call back in an hour?" Getting worried. 1:00 "Uh... we're getting that right now. Please call back in an hour." "In one hour it will be 2:00. If I don't know by 2:00, the closing won't happen today since I need to get the cashier's check, the deed, various other legal papers, and meet downtown at 3:00. We're on a tight time schedule here." "Right, please call back in an hour."

At 2:00 they had all the info I needed. I made 3 quick stops to get various business papers and money, then headed downtown. I was about 5 minutes late, but still the first one there. My dad came later. The "escrow officer" was next, then the mortgage broker. Wendy, the seller? Uh... nowhere to be found.

By 3:30 I had signed all the papers that needed to be signed and Wendy had to sign about 15 or 20. But where is Wendy? I don't know. We called her house about 20 times, and her work. We called her boyfriend, her exhusband, her aunt. Nowhere. She's simply disappeared.

4:00 rolls around and there's another closing, so we all have to go, despite no signatures from Wendy and no official closing. Basically, no signatures mean no financing, means no house.

As we leave, I'm both hugely frustrated, hugely angry, and my blood is boiling. I say to my dad "Well dad, on my way home I'm going to stop by Wendy's and yell at her." "That's a good idea. I'm coming too."

We stop there at about 4:30 and start pounding on the doors and ringing the doorbell. We don't stop. Pound pound pound, ring ring ring. Her car is in the garage and there's lights on in the house and the air conditioner is on. She's at home. We know it, but she's not answering the door. It's becoming pretty apparent that she's decided not to sell the house and instead has chosen to ignore us completely. I'm fuming. I'm ridiculously angry. I'm pounding on the doors and windows and yelling for her to come to the door. Finally I just decide to write a note.

I write an angry, vicious note saying that she's signed legal documents that are forcing her to sell her house. She has $1000 of our earnest money which she owes us. If she doesn't get the closing papers signed, then we're going to press charges. It's legally fraud (says our mortgage broker) which can get her some prison time. I write all that down and leave it on her back door. As I'm climbing into my Jeep, she comes outside.

"Wendy? What the fuck?"
"What?"
"Closing was 2 hours ago. What are you doing?"
"No, closing is tomorrow."
"No, closing is 2 hours ago. Let's go. Right now."
"Wait, no, I've cleared tomorrow for it. I'll just do it tomorrow."
"No. The papers are dated. If you don't get it done today, there will be about 6 weeks worth of paperwork to get us back to this point. (complete bullshit, but hey, whatever works)."
"Oh, well, I just woke up."
"I don't give a shit. Let's go. We're going. Right now. Get in the car."

We go and make the escrow lady stay about an hour overtime to get this mess dealt with. She was a nice lady and very understanding. Our mortgage broker, who has been doing this for over 20 years, has never seen someone not show up at a closing. I mean, it's a pretty important thing. You'd think you'd mark it on a calendar and set an alarm. Since everything has gone wrong while purchasing this house, I should have guessed that she wouldn't show up. I guess I gave her too much credit.

Wendy signed all the papers and we closed on the house. It's mine, all mine. Wendy seems to realize that I'm being extremely friendly by letting her stay there until the end of the week, and even hosting a garage sale for her this weekend. So that's all good stuff. But really, what else could have gone wrong? Nothing else, that's what.

The weirdest part? Despite being in foreclosure and going through the short sale and Wendy spending the earnest money we gave her (don't ask), Wendy STILL walked away with a couple hundred bucks. Can you believe it? I can't. Fucking weird, man.

We suspect she's on drugs. I mean, who can sleep past a house closing, 20 phone calls, 20 minutes of doorbell ringing and door knocking, and act like it's an everyday occurance? I shouldn't make assumptions like that, but something weird is going on with that lady, believe me. She asked the date about 5 times while signing those documents today. She can't keep up with her house payments or bills. There's just something shady going on. Anyway, whatever, it's dealt with now.

All her stuff is still in the house. I'm letting her use 1 stall in the garage until June 1st, and after that, whatever is in there is mine. Me and Fabish are moving her stuff from the house into the garage on Friday. We're doing that because there's no way she'll ever get it done herself, and she needs to realize I'm serious about the May 15th date I gave her. So that's the story, morning glory. It's been extremely stressful and frustrating today, and I'm looking forward to having drinks with Fabish and Alan, coming up here in a couple minutes. Ah beer. You've never slept through an important day in my life.