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I was uberproductive to the tenth degree last night. I washed my dog, who was desperately in need of a washing. I'd been slacking on my combing duties, figuring that its winter and dogs shed less in winter. Winnie must be exempt from this rule. She came...

I had the best of intentions last night that completely fell through when I couldn't get a hold of the one person I needed to get a hold of. I'd pumped myself up all day for the night, only to spend it sitting on the couch waiting for a phone call and for...

As if you couldn't have guessed, I went ahead and went to Jimmy's last night. I showed up late and most of the people I was meeting were already half-cocked. I planned on staying for a beer then heading home, but after the talk of going downtown and cabs,...

What an exciting Saturday night, I tell you what. The night was spent at my sister's, celebrating my nephew's third birthday. He has a habit of always crying whenever " Happy Birthday" is sung to anyone. We've figured out that its because he wants to be...

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One of the few moments of joy I've received from The Screen Savers of late was Good Kevin telling Bad Kevin that Bad Kevin could masturbate to a picture of Good Kevin. A few seconds of silence was interrupted by Good Kevin saying "Oh, wait, no, I meant...

I was just about to give January another verbal bitch slap. Last night me and Mullens were leaving Hoops. I opted to leave my coat at home, and wasn't even a little bit cold while walking to the car. I passed a guy wearing shorts. In mid-January. But today...

So Angie made potato soup and invited me over for a bowl. When I got there, her dog was in trouble for chewing up the rug. This may seem like an unimportant detail, but trust me, it's not. We ate potato soup and watched the grand finale of The Biggest...

For those who don't know, one of the fringe benefits of my job is that I get an hour per week to work out on company time. So, twice a week I combine my half-hour lunch with a half-hour work out in the middle of the day. This is important and interesting...

Yesterday morning I was on the phone to Alan, getting our act together so I could help him paint his house. Towards the end of the conversation, he told me to go to my living room window and look into his house. I followed his orders, only to look over and...

I think my favorite part of the whole week is Friday when I get off work before anyone else can do anything with me, and I get to sit around waiting to eat dinner with my boyz. I really do love those few hours when I know I'll be largely uninterrupted,...

I went down to Richards with Polk and Brandon last night. On our way out, I said to Polk that he would be making a stop at Circuit City with me, since I had driven him and all. He gave me the weirdest look I'd ever seen from him before fessing that he was...

Ask and ye shall receive. Thanks, January, for acting appropriately today and yesterday with real snow and ice on the ground. I love it. I didn't even complain when I couldn't unlock my door and had to get in the passenger side and scoot over the hump,...

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After trying unsuccessfully to find someone to eat dinner with me last night, I gave up and made some hot wings. They were delicious, although eating hot wings by yourself strikes me as lonelier than eating most foods by yourself. It's the social, bar and...

What in the hell kind of January is this? Seriously. The temperatures are hovering right about 45 and its RAINING. Rain. In January. In freaking Illinois. Yeah, we got a pretty massive and ridiculous snow in November, but since... nothin'. This rain...

I've been thinking a lot and coming to some conclusions on a mess that's been going on in my head for a while. I'm pretty much the happiest I've ever been right now. When I was a silly kid and not as old and smart as I am now, I used to associate...

Polk's theme is music lyrics. I don't think I'm a big enough music fan to quote applicable or interesting lyrics, so I'm opting to quote either my joke text messages or Maxim tip text messages. Maxim tip: When playing poker, fold often in early hands. The...

The New Year party turned out pretty well. It was just a laid back and uneventful night, which are always fun. I totally dominated in Texas Hold 'em, as per usual. Winning at everything makes my night way more fun. Of course, all this New Years talk is...

Wow, with the last entry creating such a stir, I guess I should always end on a strange and undecipherable note to make sure all my loyal readers are staying on their toes. Anyone reading this, this is your official notice that you're invited to my New...